Find My Way Back
by XtremeMNCowgirl
Summary: Randy had lost everything in his life because of his drug problem and his denial. Now he's sobering up and trying to find his way back to life...**Intense at times. ** **COMPLETED**
1. Chapter 1

**THREE MONTHS EARLIER**

Randy sighed as he sat down on the plane. He had really done it this time. Now, not only did he have no wife, no kid and no dog to go home to, but he almost had no job to add to his list. He couldn't believe that he had let himself spiral so far out of control. How could he have not seen it coming? As much as he wanted to ask the stewardess for a drink, he was under the strict, watchful eye of his mentor Paul Levesque. Or Hunter as Randy called him. And Hunter had gone out on a limb to save his ass, he didn't dare risk it.

Hunter looked over at Randy, "You doing ok?"

Randy nodded his head, "Yeah, I'm alright."

"Going through withdrawls?" Hunter asked.

Randy shook his head no and looked out the window. He stayed pretty silent throughout the plane ride back to the U.S. He wasn't the type to throw a pity party for himself. He normally just went out and got high or drank away the pain so he wouldn't have to think about it. But, that's exactly how he wound up here…in hot water and on the shit list. He didn't have the heart to tell Hunter that he had finished off anything he could find in his stuff that he hadn't destroyed so he wouldn't go be an angry prick.

Once the plane landed in Stamford, there was a limo waiting at the airport to take them to the WWE headquarters where Vince was awaiting their arrival. Randy looked across the way, "Hunter, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let you and Vince and the company down."

Hunter held up his hand, "Save it kid, you need to give that speech to Vince, not me."

"Yeah, I know. But I want you to hear it to. I know right now it means squat, but I appreciate you believing in me, and I won't let you down this time."

Hunter leaned forward and stared him square in the eye, "I've told you this once, and I'm gonna tell you again. And hopefully it'll get through that thick skull of yours. The only thing holding you back…is YOU. Get your head out of your ass, knock the shit off, get yourself straight and then come back and kick ass."

Randy nodded. And facing Vince was a helluva lot worse. Randy was pretty sure the superstars that didn't get kicked off the overseas tour like he did probably heard Vince yelling at him. But, at the end Vince offered to pay for Randy to get himself some help. He had already made an appointment with a facility in Atlanta. It was away from everyone and everything that could distract him.

**Day 1-10**

Ok, so I know I was supposed to write in this stupid journal every fuckin' day and talk about my highs and my lows and whatever bullshit they tell us to do. But it's pretty hard when you're puking your brains out and wishing to god that you'd hit your head hard enough on the toilet that you'd be unconscious for this. Going through the withdrawls is enough to either keep me on drugs so I never have to do this again, or stay straight so I never have to do this again. Seeing as how everything in my life is riding on this, I'm hoping to GOD that this shit works.

We're not allowed to have cell phones, internet, television or anything like that until we've been in here 30 days. That gives your body and your mind a full month to detoxify before slowly bringing reality back in. We're allowed to write letters and receive letters after they've been inspected though. So, I just got done writing a letter to Amanda. It's the first time I've said anything to her since the day I left.

Alright, confession time. I'm shaking my head as I write this, I am so fucking ashamed of myself. And I will never forgive myself for doing this. But, I kicked my wife and our son out of the house for trying to interfere with my life. Yeah, it's as stupid as it sounds. All Amanda has ever done is be there for me and bend over backwards for me. We got married when we found out that she was pregnant with our son. Not out of obligation, but because we knew we loved each other. And they were the joys of my life. I would go away and then I'd come home and there they were, waiting for me at the airport with all the happiness in the world.

Then as Brandon grew up, we began to notice something was different about him. He was incredibly colicky. Nothing helped, even adding cereal to his formula he still fussed and crabbed. He was never a big snuggler. He wanted to be in his chair or jumparoo thing or his swing more than being held by anyone. He walked early. But he didn't talk much…hell he barely spoke a word or made a sound. But, he had a temper. He would throw horrible tantrums and he would kick, hit and bite himself or others. God this is weird to write…I barely admit it to myself, let alone to a stupid journal. Anyways, as he grew, he still didn't talk. But he was VERY active. He climbed everything he could find. He played with some toys, but not very many.

Finally Amanda questioned our pediatrician enough, so we took him in and had his hearing tested. That came back fine, so we went through our school district to have his speech evaluated. And that's when all hell broke loose. They came to the house to evaluate him. And they watched him twice. Then a few days later, they arrived back at the house…and told Amanda that Brandon's behaviors fell into the autism spectrum. Maybe we were naïve, but we were first-time parents. We never would have thought that. But we didn't know anybody else who had kids with autism either. The things they pointed out made sense though. He always lined up his toys, books, movies into perfect lines. When he got really excited he'd bounce up and down at the knees. He played with cars because he loved to spin the wheels over and over again. He always wandered off. And you could call his name until you were blue in the face, if he was distracted he wouldn't answer. And hell half the time he was paying attention and he still wouldn't respond. He didn't look you in the eyes. He loved to watch anything that spun and he always ran in circles.

I lost it, I couldn't handle it. How the hell was I supposed to show off my kid when I didn't know what his future would hold? So I shut down. I quit carrying his picture, I quit acknowledging him unless someone asked me directly about him. At home, I barely did anything with him. I just felt so disconnected from him. And I know better now, but at the time I felt like I had a "retard" for a son. God I could barely face Amanda. I felt like I let her down, like it was all my fault. So I began to act out. I drank heavily, started doing drugs, I took stupid risks in the ring and when I got hurt I'd always get the hardcore pain killers. Then I'd get home and I'd be all fucked up and I'd pick fights with her. And if I was really messed up…I blamed her for Brandon's problems. I knew inside she blamed herself, and I knew inside she was going through hell but instead of being there for her and supporting her and telling her we'd get through this, I pulled away and pointed fingers and made her feel worse.

Then I started sleeping around. I wasn't giving or getting what I needed at home, so I justified my actions in my head and found many others who would. I shouldn't say many others, there were only a few, but they lasted for a long time.

Soon all I ever heard about was speech therapy, aba therapy, sign language, occupational therapy, special-ed preschool and I couldn't take it. I felt like Amanda and I didn't exist anymore. Everything was Brandon's disability. And so I went out, got incredibly fucked up, bought a bunch of drugs, came home and overdosed.

Had Amanda not been home, I would have died. But on a whim, Brandon's therapist was running late and asked Amanda to come a half-hour later than normal. She walked in to tell me and I was having a seizure on the bed. I wasn't breathing. She called the paramedics and began to do rescue breathing. And she saved my life…How did I repay her? I told her to keep her mouth shut, and that her and Brandon were driving me to hell and I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't focus on wrestling and it was fucking up my career. I told her they had a week to be out of my house…or I'd have them removed.

And that was it. I never heard another word from them. Until I got the divorce papers. I called her and called her and begged for another chance, but the minute she found out I wasn't clean she promptly hung up the phone. Then I refused to sign the papers. Finally the judge declared something or other and we were officially divorced. A year and a half after I got home from overdosing...I was officially divorced. I always paid child support, I knew his stuff wasn't cheap. So I sent checks to a PO box she had set up…and I wrote letters to her, begging her for forgiveness, telling her I was sorry…but those came back. As did the checks. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. So I sent the checks back and told her to start a savings account…for BRAYDEN. Not Brandon our son, but I was so high that I couldn't even write his name properly. What a worthless piece of shit I am.

And then after we were officially divorced, I went on a binge. I destroyed a hotel room, did as many drugs as I could get my hands on and I prayed to God I would die. I chased them all with a bottle of Jack Daniels….and then Hunter walked in. He heard the commotion and one of the divas (they won't tell me who) went and told him I was having a nervous breakdown.

After they contained me and I passed out, I came to in a hospital bed. I had my stomach pumped and the minute we discharged, Hunter escorted me to Stamford. I got high in the bathroom with what little was left in the baggie in my coat pocket at the airport right before we were searched.

And then I came here…God please let her read the letter. Please let her know I'm sorry….

Now I'm ending this stupid journal entry….now that I'm crying like a baby and feeling completely worthless. For all the pain I've caused my family and my friends, I don't deserve to be here….but here I am. Still alive. Apparently somebody feels I'm still needed. Maybe next time I write, I'll tell you what I said to her.

RKO


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, so I totally spaced out on beginning the story properly. First off, **DISCLAIMER** I do not own any of the WWE superstars, please don't sue me. Second, Please read and review! Let me know if this is something you would like me to continue or not. Next story I'll make it a John story, promise!**

Amanda nudged Brandon to get inside. She grabbed the mail out of the mailbox as she walked inside with him. Bills, bills, bills and then a letter with no return address on the envelope…but she knew that handwriting anywhere. She did a onceover of the envelope and promptly tossed it into the garbage. She didn't have time for his stoned out of his mind ramblings.

"Brandon, pizza or chicken nuggets?" She called to Brandon. He had already sat down at the coffee table and opened up his laptop. He was only four and a half and already knew how to navigate to his favorite websites without too much help.

He didn't look up or look away from the screen, "Pizza mommy." He replied.

Amanda smiled and took a pizza out of the freezer and began to pre-heat the oven. She walked into the living room and turned on cartoons for him. "Mommy's going to do some dishes. Can you be a good boy?"

Brandon nodded his head, "Mommy, I wuv you." But he still didn't turn away.

She kissed the top of his head, "I love you too sweetie." And she walked back into the kitchen. Amanda ran the dish water, fed the cat and quickly cleaned out the litter box. As she scrubbed the dishes, her mind floated to the letter she had gotten in the mail. She hadn't heard anything from him in quite awhile. She used to get random phone calls and letters, but then they moved. Randy had missed out on so much of Brandon's life. In the last year, he had really blossomed. He was such a smart kid, and now he was talking in almost full sentences, he still had horrible eye contact, but he was learning to be social. If Randy was sober, he might actually be proud of him. Or even, maybe proud of the work she had done too. Amanda busted her ass to help Brandon as much as possible. She worked a full-time job Monday thru Friday and then a part-time job on the weekends so she could afford to buy the things Brandon needed. Randy made it clear that he didn't want to be a part of his life, so she didn't feel right cashing his child support checks. She had mailed them all back to him. And he stubbornly mailed them right back and told her to start a savings account, so she did. Maybe one day Randy would change his mind about Brandon. He might not have been perfect, but he sure was great. Yes he had his moments, but he also taught Amanda a lot about life.

The timer went off so she took Brandon's pizza out of the oven. She let it cool off and finished up the dishes. She poured him some juice and called him to the table. There she sat down at the table with him.

"Brandon, tell me about your day." She said to him.

Brandon took a drink of his juice, "I pwayed…and I was a good boy today."

Amanda smiled, "No naughties?"

He shook his head and made a quick glance towards her, "No naughties mommy."

She clapped her hands, "YAY! That makes me happy!"

He began to eat his pizza. Then he glanced over at her, "How was your day mommy?"

"It was very busy. Then I got to come pick up up and bring you home."

Then the silence took over again. As soon as he was done, he got up, threw his plate in the garbage, put his cup in the sink and walked right back to the laptop.

Amanda cleaned up a bit more and saw that Brandon's plate basically covered the letter. She argued with herself for a couple minutes, and then finally grabbed the letter out of the trash. She dusted off the crumbs and wiped off the pizza sauce. The postmark read Atlanta. She thought to herself, "There wasn't a show in Atlanta anytime recently." And even though she'd probably regret it, she opened it and sat down.

_Dearest Amanda, _

_I don't know if you'll read this or not. But I'm hoping you will. It's Randy, in case you didn't notice. And, do you remember how you wanted me to clean myself up? Go to a few meetings? Maybe even rehab? Guess what…here I am. I'm in an inpatient rehab facility in Atlanta, Georgia. Granted, I'll be honest, it wasn't my choice to come here…I'm pretty glad I did. I'll be in here for 92 or 93 days. _

_I lost it. I got done with our first show in London and I got back to my hotel room and started to go through my mail. There was a thick envelope, and when I opened it there were the official, notarized, finalized papers of our divorce. And amongst those papers, were the other papers that read that I had been paying child support and you approved of the amount and that no custody arrangements needed to be made because I had deserted the two of you. And I snapped. I finally realized just how badly I fucked everything up. And I flew off my rocker. I got really high, then I downed a bunch of Jack Daniels and my temper flared. I began to destroy the hotel room. Long story short, I wound up almost losing my job. But Vince agreed to pay for rehab if I made the conscious effort to turn my life around. _

_So here I am, writing you this letter that I should have written long ago. I'm officially ten days sober. Yup, it sounds little, but damn its amazing. I can't tell you the last time I went ten days in a row without anything in my system. We aren't allowed to have or make phone calls, and my therapist/counselor whatever he is said that I should write letters to those who drug abuse hurt the most. And that would be you and Brandon. _

_How is Brandon doing? I bet he's getting really big. Is he talking now? Does he have any friends? Favorite toys? I am so so sorry that I screwed up so badly. I look back now and I curse the fact that I ever let myself get so out of control. You guys mean the world to me. And I know damn well that his autism has nothing to do with what I did or what you did, but it was out of our hands. I am so sorry that I blamed you. You're a great mom, and you were a great wife. _

_I love you and I love Brandon. I know that I completely demolished the bridge, the home and the life that we made together, but I really hope that one day you'll forgive me enough to let me be a part of his life even if it is too late for us to ever be an us again. _

_I don't know if Brandon even knows who I am…or if you even care where I am anymore. But I do hope that I hear back from you. And please, be completely open and honest. I'll never know just how badly I screwed up if you're not. _

_Amanda, I love you so much. And I know that I never showed it, but I love you and Brandon with all of my heart. Please write me back. _

_Randy_

Amanda crumpled up the letter in frustration and then began to cry. And then it became sobs. He finally was getting sober…but how long would it last? Was he really dedicating himself to getting and staying clean? How dare he expect her to just come running? Or to try and subject Brandon to the possibility of being rejected again? It was shortly after Randy kicked them out that Brandon walked into the bedroom with a picture of Randy in his hand and said "Daddy?" for the first time…but he'd never know that he was Brandon's first real word…and it came after their huge fight. Unless she broke down and told him.

She stood up and wiped her eyes and said out loud to herself, but quiet enough so Brandon wouldn't hear. "He wants the honest to God truth….fine. That's what I'll give him."

Amanda ran Brandon a bubble bath and scrubbed him up. Then she dried him off, lotioned him and played with him a bit. Then she read him his three bedtime stories. She tucked him in and gave him a kiss. "Goodnight Scooter Scoots. I love you."

He smiled and hugged her back, "I wuv you too Mommy."

Amanda walked downstairs and slipped into her pajamas. Then she sat down with a pen and a notebook and began to write him back. He wanted honesty….then by God that's what he was going to get.

**Please read and review! Let me know what you think of this so far.**


	3. Chapter 3

**YAY! I'm glad that you guys like this! I got the idea listening to my iPod. Thank you for reading and reviewing!**

Amanda got comfortable as she began to write. This was going to take awhile.

_Randy, _

_Well..well...look what the cat dragged in. I have to admit your letter surprised me. I didn't expect to hear from you...let alone hear from you from the inside of a rehab facility. However, the fact that it was basically required and not chosen by you does NOT suprise me. Either way, I do wish you the best of luck. _

_If you don't think that you can handle reading this...DON'T. I refuse to be the reason that you fell off the wagon...again. Remember, you wanted me to be honest...so that's what I'm about to do. _

_You write to me that you wonder how Brandon is and you're so sorry for being such an asshole. Well guess what...there's so much shit you don't even have a clue on. And even more that you probably don't remember. So I'm going to remind you. This just may be therapeutic for me also. I don't get to have time to process anything. You see, I'm a single mom to a child with autism...spare time or free time only happens once Brandon is asleep...and not just in bed, but asleep. _

_There has been so much that you have missed out on, I don't even know where to start. Oh yeah, I do have an idea. The night we had our big fight...and you told me that Brandon and I were getting in the way of your lifestyle. The night you told me that it was my fault that we had a "retard" for a child and that he would never have a future and that there was no way in hell that you could continue on with him to carry on your legacy and that we needed to get the fuck out...then you turned and stormed off. You didn't even say goodbye to your son. Oh wait, I forgot, you diswoned him. The flesh body that your sperm and my egg created should I say. Brandon walked into the bedroom where I was crying as I began to pack my stuff and he was carrying the picture we had in his room of you kissing the tip of his nose the day he was born and said "Daddy?" for the first time. That's right Randy, daddy was his first real word. And you missed it. And every night after that for weeks and week he would pick up that picture and look at me with big eyes and say "Daddy?" and I would have to fight back tears and say you were gone. To this day, the only picture he has of the two of you is that picture and he still asks where you are from time to time. And all I have to say is "gone" and he'll drop it. _

_Yes, you read that right...he hasn't forgotten you. That's because he doesn't forget a lot of things. It wouldn't surprise me if he remembered when you overdosed. He saw you. I could only yell at him to go watch tv because if I took any more time you could have died. _

_Yes Randy, I still lie in bed and I think about you from time to time. But all that pops in my head is the worst times. Like the time I yelled at you for coming home stoned and hungover after I had been awake for almost 48 hours straight with a colicky baby and you slapped me across the face and told me that you had had enough of my lip. Or the time that we had a family get together, and you were so high that you couldn't hold a conversation...and I was 8 months pregnant with our son. And we can't forget the time that you wound up suspended for sexual harassment and I had to explain to my parents that yes the rumor was going around that you were harassing the girls because they wouldn't sleep with you and no you didn't take a shit in her bag...to this day I still don't know if you were ever honest with me about that. God, don't let me forget the countless number of times where you were so hungover and stoned you would come home and I could see it in your eyes, but you wouldn't take no for an answer. No matter where we needed to be, no matter where we were, if you wanted to have sex then we were having sex. _

_And I think about Brandon. The little boy has come so far and overcome so damn many obstacles, and you've missed every fucking one of them. After the word daddy, his words came out with a vengeance. And he started to grow a vocabulary. And he slowly started to learn affection. Now his favorite thing is to run into my arms and hold me tight as he calls out MOMMY! And he'll look at me and say "I love you mom." My eyes well up with tears because we never knew if that would ever happen, but yet it does all the time. _

_Brandon has gone from 5-day preschool in the autism room to 5-day preschool with 3 days in the autism room and 2 days in the regular preschool room to now when he's only in preschool 3 days a week and they're all with him being mainstreamed with typical kids. He's a smart little boy. He can do simple math, he can spell a handful of words, he navigates on a computer like a 7 year old. He sings, dances, plays, he's amazing. And he has your smirk. _

_As far as I go...I'm ok. I've spent a lot of time thinking and crying and praying and none of that got me anywhere. Every night for so long I would hope that you would sober up and come to your senses and realize that all you needed to do was get sober and that I would be willing to put everything behind us so our family could stay together and be there the way Brandon needed us to do. _

_But everytime I did hear from you...you were high... or drunk...and there was never any sincerity behind the words. So, finally I gave up. I filed for divorce. Then I started getting your child support payments. Do you have any idea how insulting that was? You were basically trying to pay me off to keep him away from you. And when I sent the money back and you returned it telling me to start a savings account for BRAYDEN. Not Brandon our son, but BRAYDEN. You didn't even remember our son's name. It showed me that you really didn't care. You cared more about getting high and doing whatever the hell you were doing then you did your own family. _

_Guess what? You became your worst nightmare...you always said that you never wanted to miss out on the important things if you became a father. No matter what your career was doing, your family came first. You would never miss our son's birthdays, or take being a dad for granted. You wanted your son to know that you loved him and would always be there for him. NO MATTER WHAT. And you sure haven't been. Not even a card from you on his birthday. No package, no anything. It's one thing to walk away from me, but to turn your back on your own son when he needed you the most. And you chose to be a coward and you ran. _

_And that's what kills me the most. You couldn't even stand the fuck up and be a dad. You sank into denial and ran away. That breaks my heart even more then you did. _

_As much as I want to sit here and pick you apart and flame you for everytime you've done me wrong, to sit and call you out on everytime you dragged your ass into our bed and snuggled me with another woman's perfume on your body, or the times I did your laundry and always found condoms in your pockets, or hell the time I called you to tell you that Brandon had such a high fever they were hospitalizing him and your bitch answered the phone to tell me you were busy, I'm not going to. _

_Here's what I will do. I'm going to tell you that I am so disappointed, heartbroken, apalled, disgusted, pissed off, depressed, out of tears, out of emotions over you and over what you did to our son that it makes me sick. And I would go into more detail, but I vowed I was done crying over you. And you were so good at forgetting the fact that you had a son, why are you trying to come back around now? So help me God Randy, if you pop into his life and then you run away again because you can't handle it, and you break his little heart a second time in his life, I will NEVER forgive you. _

_Me _

_PS: Goldie passed away a few months ago. I have her ashes if you would like them. I was going to mail them to your parents, but I didn't know if you're allowed to, so I've held onto them._

She was pissed off and sitting in her own tears. Amanda wanted to blast him for every little thing he did, but why should she? So some counselor at the facility can get his rocks off reading it? So someone can leak it to the press? The only thing she ever wanted was for Randy to sober up, grow up, and be the husband and father she knew that he could be if he just tried. But instead they got the shaft and Randy continued on his self-destructive path.

She quickly sealed the envelope and put a stamp on it and mailed it back. Then she crawled into bed and for the first time in a long time, she cried herself to sleep over him...again.

**How do you think Randy will handle the letter? What do you think about Amanda? Is she right in not parading everything out, or should she open up and spill everything? What about Brandon? Please read and review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Yay! I'm glad that you guys are enjoying this story! Please read and review!**

**Day 15**

Yup, it's been five days since I wrote. I know, I know. This is supposed to be daily reflection and blah blah blah, but I've been busy writing letters to people. And…reading the one letter that I got. I got a letter from Amanda. I told her to be honest, and she did. I knew it was going to be hard, my therapist said it would be hard, but damn. It's time like this when I say, why did I ever let myself get so out of hand? And then my therapist says "It wasn't you. It was the addiction." But I feel like no one is going to accept that. Or understand it. I really feel like I should have been more aware.

Do you know what it's like to know that you have completely singlehandedly become the worst douchbag asshole on the face of the planet? Wait…I've never physically killed anybody or molested a child or anything like that. But I have forced a woman to have sex…and she was my own my wife. And from the sounds of it, I emotionally wounded our son.

I am working on my reply letter to Amanda. Everytime I start to write, I crumple it up and throw it away. I don't know what to say. But I know that if I wait too long, she'll think that I couldn't handle it and I ran away again.

What do I do? Write her back and say sorry for the 100th time? Beg her for her forgiveness? She told me that my dog passed away. Goldie died and probably wondered where the hell I was. Is there anything that I haven't fucked up?

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning ways to stay sober, keep my stress down and keep my anger in check. I really hope this works. I want to straighten my life out. I want to get back on track. I want to build a relationship with Brandon. I want to learn how to be there for him.

God I still love Amanda. I wonder if she's moved on? She's probably moved on with her life. But I would really like to at least be friends again.

I've been clean and sober for 15 days now. They tell you that for the first 30 days you can't have tv or cell phone or any of that so you can detoxify your mind and body. Well, let me tell you, instead of detoxifying my mind, I think they're making it even more toxic. I've never been so fucking depressed. Actually I have, and that's what caused me to go on my bender. Yes, right now if I was able to, I would be pissed, depressed and lookin' for drugs. But, I'm here, and I'm sober. I will never get high again. And I like the sound of that. Now if I could just get through these days a little faster.

RKO

Randy put the journal back in the drawer and grabbed his notebook.

_Amanda, _

_I got your letter. Thank you for being honest with me. And I know that you are holding a lot back, but as long as you're ok with it, then I am ok with it. I've read it and re-read it over and over again. Today I am 15 days sober. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it's been a helluva long time since I could say those words. _

_Holy crap, I can't believe just how much Brandon has grown and changed! Is there any possible way you would consider sending me a new picture of him? I would love to see what he looks like now. _

_How are you doing? May I ask where you're living these days? Any chance I could get a picture of you too? I know, I'm going out on a limb here, but I'd love to see you too. _

_Ok enough fluffy bs. I read your letter and yes it was a hellish trip down nightmare lane. I am so sorry for putting you and Brandon through that hell. I really hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me. When we hit our 30 day sober, we gain back our cell phone, email, internet, tv privileges back. Maybe you'll consider letting me call you? Maybe even let me talk to Brandon?_

_Will you tell me about your life and Brandon's life now? What does your typical week entail? Is there anything you want to know about me? Do you watch wrestling? Do you let Brandon watch?_

_Shit, I don't know what to write. I don't know what to say. I suck at letter writing. I hope to hear back from you. _

_Here's my day: Wake up at 7:00am, breakfast at 7:30, group for drug abuse at 8:00, individual therapy at 9:30 Lunch at 11:00, Workout at 12:30pm. Free time until 3:00. Then group for anger management at 3:15 to 4:30pm. Dinner at 5:00pm. Free time until lights out which is at 10pm. Sometimes there's special sessions or activities or whatnot but that is a typical day. _

_I love you Amanda. Please tell Brandon that I love him too. _

_RKO _

As the days passed Randy didn't get a return letter from Amanda. He got letters from his mom and dad and his siblings. He wrote in his journal about his worry about not getting a response back; He also wrote about worrying where his life would be after he got out of rehab.

Amanda sat down with a pen and a paper after getting Brandon to bed. She had purposely waited to write him back, but then wound up getting incredibly busy, so she wasn't able to take the time to write.

_Randy, _

_This letter is super late because life has been crazy. Brandon got sick then I got sick and work has been stressful and ugh. _

_Anyways, it sounds like they keep you pretty busy. How do you like having to be so open and communicating so much? I know that wasn't one of your favorite things to do or be. _

_As far as where am I living now? I live in St. Louis. I wanted to move to Minnesota to be closer to mom and dad, but I didn't want to uproot Brandon more so than he already had been. Adjusting to the move was really hard on him, and if I was to change his therapists and teachers and school and friends I think he would have really regressed and I didn't want to risk it. _

_Am I seeing someone? No. Have I dated? A few times, but no one that did it for me. _

_What is a typical day like for Brandon and I? Let's see. I wake up at 5:30am and take my shower. Then I start to wake him up at 6:15, we leave at 7:00am and I take him to daycare. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays Brandon goes to preschool for the morning. Then I go to work. I work from 8:00 to 4:30pm and then I pick him up and we head home. Then I make dinner, clean up the house, we eat at the table. Then we practice some skills and I let him have computer time. We have bath time, snuggle time and bedtime. Now, if it's a night where I'm just exhausted, Brandon gets lots of computer time while we fend for ourselves. _

_Now I have a stupid question…you were saying that when you hit 30 days sober you get all of your privileges back, right? But, you're in rehab…how would you NOT make 30 days sober? Don't get me wrong, I know I haven't said this yet, but in the week that it's been since I first wrote you I've done a lot of thinking. Yes I am proud of you. Whether or not you're in rehab because of your choosing, the point is that you're in there and you're taking it seriously. And if you are ready to be sober and stay sober then your chances of maintaining sobriety rise dramatically._

_Let's see, what else did you ask me? Would I consider letting you talk on the phone to Brandon? Honestly, no. The only reason I say no, (read this before you threw a chair at a window) is because he doesn't grasp the concept of the telephone yet. I'm afraid that he would start looking around to see you in person and I don't want him confused. _

_I don't know how much research you've ever done about autism, but there's a difficult determination of real and not real. Example: Sarcasm does not work with a kid who has autism. I said to Brandon he had three minutes to get out of the tub, and if he didn't then I was going to kick him out of the bathroom and he looked at me with a nervous face and said, "Mommy, it's not nice to kick me. It'll hurt." So, at this time I have to say no phone conversations. _

_I've picked out a couple pictures to include with this letter. By the way, my parents are PISSED that I'm writing letters to you. They still haven't forgiven you. But then they didn't like you in the beginning, let alone in the middle and especially not now. Forgiveness…that was something else you asked me about. I don't think forgiveness is the right word. I have accepted what happened and moved on, but I can't say that I've forgiven you yet. I'm trying, and I'm working through it and maybe one day I'll be able to say it, but honestly…not yet._

_Isn't it funny that now that we have the ability to text, we can't bring ourselves to sit down and write a letter? It's like we have lost the ability to think of more than 160 characters of something to say about ourselves. _

_Do I watch wrestling? Sometimes. I read and watch clips online more. Does Brandon watch wrestling, not usually. And if he does, it's not for very long. But, he still does recognize when you're on. I told you, the only picture I have in his room of you is the one from when he was a newborn and you were kissing him. I have others of the two of you of course, but that one has always been his favorite and after we split up, it was the one he clung to. So he knows you by sight. _

_Alright, I have to sign off, I'm starting to doze off and I have to be up early. I wish you well. And let's see, what questions do I have for you…Honestly, I don't know. Tell me anything you want. _

_Here's my phone number at the house and here's my cell phone number. Enjoy the pictures. _

_Amanda _

**Day 25**

Well, I went into therapy today and was shocked by my therapist handing me an envelope. Amanda wrote me back. And she sent pictures of her and Brandon. Oh my God…Brandon has gotten so big and he's such a ham. He really does have my smirk. And Amanda looks great!

She gave me her phone number and cell number, so I think I'll hold off on writing a letter and just text her. I suddenly feel like a freakin' teenage girl writing that in here. What the hell has happened to me? Great, now I've turned into a pussy.

RKO

**Please read and review! How do you think she'll react to Randy's text? Was she right for not letting Randy talk to Brandon over the phone? **


	5. Chapter 5

**THANK YOU! Just a forwarning, this weekend is going to be a bit crazy. My 9yr old is wrestling in the State Wrestling Tournament tomorrow, so the updates will be a bit scattered and not as long till Monday. Thanks! Please read and review! **

**DAY 26**

**WORST DAY EVER! **Does that get my point across? I can't fucking take this shit. I need a fix SO bad. I'm feeling really anxious and I'm pacing. I'm sweaty and I'm PISSED off. The counselor told me write down everything I'm feeling because it'll "Take the edge off" FUCK THAT all it's doing is pissing me off even more. I'm tired of this touchy, feely, love yourself bullshit. My shoulders are killing me and so is my back. I don't need much, just enough to take the edge off. And I'm not talking about some Advil either.

I feel like such an asshole right now...but I also feel like this place is turning me into a giant pussy. I went into the gym and beat the shit out of the punching bag. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. This sucks. I've already fucked up so many things in my life, why am I still living? What the fuck is the point? If I was dead, I wouldn't feel this shitty. Then I couldn't disappoint anybody ever again.

I'm done writing. This is a stupid fucking assignment.

**RKO**

Randy thew his journal across the room. It hit the wall and fell to the floor. Randy stood up and ran his hand over his head. He stormed out of his room. He couldn't take being confined in this building for much longer.

One of the female counselors approached him,"Randy? Are you doing ok?"

"NO I'm not doing ok? What the fuck does it look like?" He growled at her.

She was taken aback, Randy hadn't been like this since his first week in rehab. "Randy, do you want to come into my office and talk?"

"NO. I want to get out of here."

"Randy, please. Let's go into my office." She said softly. She put her hand on his arm and guided him towards her office.

"Debbie, I'm not in the mood for this." Randy started to argue but Debbie sat him down and closed her door.

"Randy, why areyou here?"

"What?" He snapped angrily.

"Why are you here? What makes you want to be sober?" She asked again.

Randy rolled his eyes, "I answered all of these questions already. They're in my file."

Debbie just gave him a look. Randy cracked his neck and took a deep breath, "I'm here because I snapped and almost lost my job. I want to be sober for myself and my family."

"Those are really great reasons Randy. You don't quite realize just how out of control you are until you hit rock bottom, right?"

Randy nodded. He could feel himself calming down a little. "I know you're not my usual counselor. You don't know my story. But yes, I definitely hit rock bottom. I lost my wife and my son because I'm a selfish prick."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Look at how far you've come. You are 26 days into recovery. How does it feel to think about that?" Debbie asked. She could sense he was coming back to reality.

Randy couldn't help but smile, "It feels pretty damn good."

Debbie smiled, "Yes it does. I've been in your shoes Randy. I know, it sucks. And you went through hell for the first week. Then you've been doing ok, and now you're body hurts a bit and it triggered your cravings. BUT, in your line of work, you're always going to have pain. The important thing is knowing how to control your cravings. It could be three years from now, and you've been sober all three years, but suddenly you find yourself wanting a fix. How do you think you should handle this?"

Randy nodded, "Work out, sit in the hot tub, get a massage, talk to my family."

"Those are really good ideas. When was the last time you talked to your family?" Debbie asked.

"Which family? I talked to my mom and dad the day I checked in, and we've been writing back and forth. Becky and Nathan a few days prior, but I've been writing them too. My ex-wife and I have been writing letters, and I haven't spoken to my son since the night I walked out on them, and I didn't even tell him goodbye." Randy said getting a little teary. "Hell, I think I pushed him out of the way.I was so high that night."

Debbie nodded, "I'm sorry. Being addicted make us do some really stupid things, and hindsight can be a bitch. All we can do is keep moving forward and keep trying to rebuild those bridges we destroyed."

Randy nodded, "Yeah."

"So, do you think you're calming down a little bit? You seem like you're calming down."

Randy nodded, "Yeah, I don't feel like I'm going to rip the doors off anymore."

Debbie laughed, "Now I see why you're in anger management."

Randy finally laughed, "Yeah, I have a short fuse. It gets me into trouble." He stood up, "Look, I appreciate it, thanks Deb."

She gave him a hug, "Anytime. I'm glad I could help. Now do me a favor."

"What's that?"

"I want you to write in your journal about this. And I also want you to look and see if you wrote when you were craving and if you did, what did you write?" Debbie said as she walked him towards the door.

Randy nodded, "Great, more writing."

Debbie just smiled, "We'll see you in group tomorrow Randy."

"Alright, thanks Debbie." And Randy headed back to his room. He walked in and realized that he had pretty much destroyed his room. Not like the hotel, but he had pulled all of his clothes of the drawers, he knocked the lamp off the table, his alarm clock was on the floor, and his journal was in a heap across the room. "Jesus." He mumbled as he began to straighten up.

Finally he grabbed his journal and looked back to see if he did write anything down when he was pissed. He read what he wrote. Then he grabbed his pen,

**Day 26...Again...**

Ok, I'm calmed down now. Sorry about that. I don't know what the hell that was all about. I woke up a little stiff and sore, and just flipped my shit. I'm over it now. I really need to pay a bit more attention in anger management though. Especially when dealing with things that aggervate or frustrate me.

Debbie talked me down. I even wrote that I was better off dead. Shit...had I said that to Debbie I would have been locked up for 72 hours. What the hell was running through my brain? I know I was craving but damn.

I'm still crabby, but I think I'm just going to go to bed and try to sleep it off. We'll see how the night goes.

**RKO**

Amanda sighed as she finally sat down to relax. Today had been a rough day for Brandon. They had woken up late, which meant his schedule was thrown off and boy did it screw up his whole day. Brandon had multiple meltdowns over little things that didn't normally upset him or bother him much.

But, one thing she did do was go to the storage locker on her lunch hour and she took out a few boxes that had old pictures and scrapbooks in them. When Brandon was actually behaving, she began to go threw them and find a few more pictures of Randy with Brandon. That way he didn't only have the one from when he was first born. There were quite a few up until his autistic traits really began to shine through. Once Randy's addiction was well on its way of spiraling out of control, he didn't spend a whole lot of time with Brandon...let alone have many Kodak moments. And once the diagnosis came, he pretty much signed off on fatherhood.

She looked at the pictures and sighed. Once upon a time...

And the look on Brandon's face was absolutely priceless when he saw what she had. He looked at one, lifted it up and asked, "My daddy?"

Amanda smiled and nodded, "Yup, that's your daddy."

He held the picture close to him and studied it, "My daddy?" He asked it again. "Where's him?"

Amanda rolled her eyes, that was the worst question. She used to say he was working, but for a short time when she went to work, he seemed to have a breakdown and she figured out that he was connecting the two. Now she didn't know what to say. "Umm...he's...gone."

Brandon touched the picture and studied it closely. "Daddy gone? Bye daddy." And he laid it right back down where he had picked it up from. Brandon looked to Amanda and climbed in her lap. "Sowwy I was naughty."

Amanda knew what she needed to do. When Brandon handed to bed, she pulled out a piece of paper and and a pen.

_Randy,_

_Ok, I went out on a limb today and I brought out a few more pictures of you and Brandon together so he could see you in more than just the one from when he was first born. The last picture I have of the two of you was the night before we got his diagnosis. And Brandon had been sick with croup and you were hungover or coming down from being high or whatever the hell was wrong with you so you volunteered to sleep in the recliner with him. He had a hard time breathing if he laid down flat, but if he was sleeping while sitting more upright it wasn't so bad. Anyways, we knew Brandon wasn't snuggly and didn't like to be cuddled. But, whenever he was sick it was almost like Brandon became a normal kid. And you picked him up and he laid his head down on your shoulder instantly. The two of you were so snuggled together it was a picture perfect moment. _

_But, tonight Brandon found them. And he picked one out and said "Daddy?" _

_And I said "Yup, that's your daddy." _

_Then he asked where you were, and I didn't know how to answer. So I just said you were gone. Then he looked at the picture very closely and finally repeated Daddy gone and said "Bye Daddy" and set the picture back down. _

_And that's why I'm writing this. You need to sit down and figure out if you're in this or not. Brandon is trying to figure out who you are and honestly if you're only thinking about hopping in until you realize he's a handful, then don't bother. Forget about him and move on. He cannot handle it and I refuse to put him through it. _

_By the time you get this, it'll probably be your 30__th__ day. Good luck. I hope this is going well and working out for you._

_Amanda_

Then she quickly addressed the envelope and ran it out to the mailbox. She went inside and found Brandon curled up in his bed underneath his blankets. Amanda smiled and used her cell phone to take a picture of him. When he was asleep, you could see the similarities between Randy's facial features and Brandon's. She figured if Randy text her, she would send it to him. He'd better not screw things up.

**Please read and review! Have a great weekend!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! I will update "Time Changes Everything" tomorrow. I just don't have it in me to work on that story tonight. Enjoy the night!**

**DAY 30**

Holy shit! I've been sober for a full thirty days! They were hell, and there were times I wanted to give up, but damn it feels good to say I've been sober for a full month! When I got out of group today, I was handed my 30 day chip and everyone clapped. I can easily compare that to winning the belt. I got hugged and I felt such a sense of accomplishment.

I found out today that the anxiety, insanity and restlessness is known as Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrome. And the reason my body has been so tight and so sore isn't because I've been in the gym whenever I'm bored here, but because my body hasn't known pain in a sober state for so long that I have to go through the "growing pains" all over again.

After I meet with my therapist one on one I'll get my stuff back. My cell phone, my iPod, my laptop. I'm going to text and call everyone! Well, maybe not everyone. But I am going to call those that matter.

I'll write more later. Meeting time.

RKO

Randy closed the book and threw it in the drawer. He got up and walked down to his counselor's office. He knocked on the door and walked in.

"Hey Chris." Randy said with a smile.

Chris smiled and shook his hand, "How're you doing Randy? How's it feel to know that you're 30 days sober today?"

Randy nodded, "Really fuckin' good. It's crazy to think that I'd ever say that. To me, I am not the type to be sitting in a rehab center pouring my heart out, but Doc, this is really what I needed. I haven't felt so clear-headed. I think I could go out to the ring and put on the best match I've ever had."

"That's really great Randy. I like to hear that from you. I know you were really hesitant upon arriving here. You didn't know if you could handle it, and look how great you're doing. Now, let's talk about how you're communication is going. Who have you been writing letters to?"

Randy shot him a look, "Right, because I'm going to believe that you don't know this answer already. I've been writing my parents, my siblings, my friend and my ex-wife."

"And what have they been telling you? Have they been honest with you?" Chris asked.

Randy nodded, "Yeah, they have. And I knew they would. I'm a no bullshit kind of guy. I don't pick up on little clues and I don't respond to pussyfooting around the bush. If you want me to do something, you have to tell me what to do. So when I told them to be honest and tell me how my addiction affected them and they didn't hold back either."

"How did that make you feel? How hard was it to read what they wrote?" Chris probed.

Randy nodded, "It was hard. I knew what to expect, but I wasn't prepared for the guilt and the shame I felt reading it in their own handwriting. And hearing about how life was for my ex-wife as she dealt with our son after I walked out was really hard. So I'm really looking forward to checking in with everyone and beginning life over again."

"That's a good attitude to have. And you're right, it's never easy to know exactly how your addiction affected those around you. But it's something you have to hear to fuel the want to stay sober. Anybody can need to stay sober, but you have to WANT to stay sober too." Chris said.

"You're right. And had you said to me two weeks ago, I would have blown you off. But now that I am in this position, I have to say that I agree with you completely. And I had a total meltdown a few days ago where I couldn't handle the cravings and the anxiety and I wanted to walk out the door but Debbie really helped me come back down to Earth and now I feel really good."

They talked for awhile longer about what to do when those incidents arise. And then Randy's session was over. Chris walked him to the admission office and walked out with his personal belongings. "Just remember, they can be overwhelming. Think before you use." Chris said with a smile.

"Will do. Thanks Chris." Randy said with a nod. He went outside sat down at a picnic table. He turned on his cell phone and promptly text Amanda, "Hey doll. How are you and Brandon today?"

Amanda was out running errands for work when her phone chimed. She practically choked on her coffee as she read it. She had known that the text was coming, but it still caught her off guard. She text back, "Hi Randy. We're doing ok. How are you doing? Congrats on your 30-day. Did you get my latest letter?"

"I'm doing good. Brandon started off with a great morning. Thanks for the congrats. It feels good. No, I haven't, when did you send it?"

Amanda finally replied, "A few days ago. You'll probably get it this afternoon. I'm at work. I'll be able to talk after Brandon goes to bed. I'll text you and see if you're still awake."

"Sounds good doll."

Amanda ended their conversation by sending a picture of Brandon sleeping so Randy could see just how many of his facial features he had grown into.

Later that day Randy got the letter Amanda had been referring to. It killed him that she doubted his commitment to picking up the pieces. He knew damn well that he made his bed, he had to lie in it. But, of course he was ready to be there for the good, the bad and the ugly. And that's why he was hoping to show her just how much he had changed.

By the time that Amanda text, Randy had been dwelling on this for quite some time. So she text him and he called her back.

Amanda was scared to answer. She hadn't prepared to hear his voice. "Hello?"

"Hey doll, is it ok that I called?" Randy asked.

Amanda nodded, "Yeah, I was just surprised."

"I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes. I got your letter and I wanted you to hear it from me. I am not walking away again. I'm in this. He is my son and I was stupid as hell before. I am so sorry that I walked away and left you to raise him on your own. But I'm here, I'm sober, and I can't wait to be an active part of his life." Randy said sincerely. "And that doesn't just go for Brandon. I know that I was a total asshole, and I in no way deserve any of your time or thoughts or anything. But, I would really, really like if we could at least be friends again. I would love to prove myself to you, and for us to come together as a family again to give Brandon what he really needs to succeed."

Amanda didn't respond at first. To be harshly honest, the way everything happened, she didn't overly miss him. She didn't have time. Brandon took up so much of her thoughts and time that she didn't get the chance to dwell on their break up. Finally she spoke, "Randy, I'm glad that you want to be here for him. It's a lot though. And I know that getting sober takes a lot, so I just want to make sure that you don't expect too much too soon from him and take it the wrong way."

Randy nodded, "Don't worry about me. I don't expect a miracle. I plan on doing my research and being prepared. And I just really want to start fresh. I wish I could change the past, but since I can't then all I can do is do my best to make each day from here on out count."

Amanda liked what she was hearing, but she also knew better then to get her hopes up. And she didn't bite her tongue. "Well that sounds great Randy, now we'll have to see if your actions match your words."

Randy was a little taken aback, but he also knew that it was his fault that she had such a chip on her shoulder. "Don't worry doll, you'll see."

They talked a bit about her family and his family and Brandon's schooling. And they talked about wrestling a bit also. Then Amanda had to get to bed because she had to be up early the next day.

Randy sighed, "Amanda, it was really great to talk to you and to hear about our son. I want and I need to be involved with him from here on out. I'm not going to let the two of you down again."

"Yeah…it was good to sit and talk to you too." Amanda said finally.

"Well, may I continue texting and talking to you?" Randy asked.

"For now, as long as everything continues the way it seems then yes you may." Amanda replied.

"Any chance I could call when Brandon's awake and I could hear him talking in the background?" Randy asked.

"I think we could do that. You could hear him without me having to say who I am talking to. I'm not trying to be a bitch, I'm just trying to avoid confusion. Especially since you still have two months before you're even out of there." Amanda answered.

Randy nodded, "Yeah, I get it. I know that you have good reasons for not just handing the phone over to him. But I hope we can work towards that."

"I'm going to start working on the concept now that you are able to do this so he can figure it out and not get TOO attached and hopeful. So eventually, hopefully this will be able to happen. It's just kids with autism have a hard time with stuff like that. Like sarcasm, he doesn't get it at all. I told him I was going to kick him out of my room and he looked at me with a scared look and said, "Kicking me isn't nice. Don't kick me." And I felt like the worst mom ever." Amanda explained.

Randy was surprised by what he was hearing. "Wow, there really is a breakdown, isn't there?"

"That's only the beginning of it." Amanda said.

"Alright. Well, l will text you tomorrow. Have a good night Amanda."

She smiled, "You too Randy. Good night." And she hung up the phone.

As she laid down in her bed, she thought about their conversation and what he was hoping for out of a relationship with his son. She had a lot to teach him about not only about autism, but even more so about his son.

**Please read and review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you SO much for your wonderful reviews! You guys are amazing and are so great. Thank you for inspiring me.**

**Day 35**

Wow! I finally get my cell phone and my stuff back, but yet I've been busy and tired and I've barely touched it. I've definitely been doing more texting then talking. I've been texting mom and dad. I've been texting Nathan and Becky. But, even better, I've been texting Amanda.

She texts me back when she can. She'll ask me about my day and I'll ask her about hers and how Brandon is doing. Sometimes she'll even text me a picture of him. Tonight when I get done journaling, I'm going to call there so I can hear her talk to Brandon and hear his voice.

Recovery is going well. So far the last couple days have gone well. So well that I've contemplated asking for a weekend pass. Since I voluntarily checked in, they technically can't keep me but they can give me their opinion. I was thinking of going to Amanda's house and surprising them. But I don't know if Brandon could handle me showing up and leaving the next day. So maybe not. But I do want to go and get the hell out of here for a few days. They try and tell me that I'm not ready for the outside world or temptation, but I think that I'll do just fine. I've even contemplated leaving early. Instead of staying for the 90-day program, I've thought about talking to Vince about the 45 or 60 day program. I'm clean, I'm staying clean. Give me my life back.

Enough for now. I'm going to call Amanda.

RKO

**Meanwhile…**

Amanda walked in the door carrying Brandon. He was sick and not feeling good at all. And when Brandon wasn't feeling good, nothing was an easy task. But, as odd as it was, being sick did seem to focus him a bit. But it also made him incredibly needy.

She set him down on the couch and turned on his favorite cartoons and covered him up with his blankie. Just as she was trying to talk to him about how he was feeling, her phone began to ring. When she looked at her caller id she couldn't help but roll her eyes. Now was not a good time.

"Hello?"

"Hey doll." Randy replied happily. "How's it going?"

"It's not going well. Brandon is really sick, I had to leave work early to take him to urgent care where we sat for two hours and he puked all over the waiting room. Then he freaked out for the throat swab and the nasal swab and the nebulizer. But, he did earn a popsicle by taking a nice x-ray." Amanda replied as she yawned. "So, not well. How are you doing?"

"I've been busy, but good. I'm on day 35 right now." Randy replied. "Any chance you would put me on speaker phone?"

"Randy, what part of he's sick did you not get? He doesn't talk much when he's sick."

"Please Amanda?" He begged. "I just…I want to hear his voice."

"Fine. Hold on." And she turned on the speaker phone. She went and sat down by Brandon. "Hey Scooter. How're you doing?"

Brandon shook his head, "Not good. I'm sick."

Randy's eyes filled with tears when he heard Brandon's little voice for the first time. God he had missed out on so much. All because of his own stupidity.

Brandon told Amanda the name of the show he was watching and the characters' names. Then Amanda asked Brandon if he wanted a juice box and a snack. Brandon replied, "Only juice. No snack."

"Ok, I'll get you a juice." Amanda replied as she got up. She grabbed her phone and walked into the kitchen. She turned the speaker phone off, "Hello?"

Randy sniffled, "Oh my God that was the greatest thing I've ever heard."

Amanda smiled, "I'm happy to hear that. Are you crying?"

"A little. Shut up." Randy said as he wiped his eyes.

"I'll be damned, is the great Randy Orton having a cold, hard lesson in life…AND learning from it? Wow." She teased.

"Amanda, I want to come and see the two of you." Randy replied. "If I can get a weekend pass…"

"Then pass on it." Amanda replied firmly. "Work on you for now."

"But Brandon's sick and you're tired and this would be a great time for me to be re-introduced to him." Randy tried to reason.

"Randy, what do you think we've done every other time Brandon has been sick? What about the time he needed to have surgery? You weren't here for any of that and we got along just fine." Amanda recounted.

"Surgery? When? Why?" Randy replied surprised.

"He had tubes put in his ears because he had so many ear infections. And we did ok."

Randy shook his head, "Manda, I'm going crazy in here. I'm clean and sober, I'm staying clean and sober. I just want out. I want to see someone I know."

"Are you allowed to have visitors?" Amanda asked.

Randy nodded his head, "Yeah, once you earn them. But it's not the same. I need to walk down a street and go to the gas station."

"They would volunteer the opportunity to do so if they felt it was a good idea." Amanda answered. "So don't go looking for one. Sit back, relax and work on you."

I'm so stir crazy. I need to get out of here." He replied.

"You keep saying it, of course you're going to believe it. You're almost halfway done, keep up the good work and don't jeopardize anything. You've done a really great job, and I'm proud of you." Amanda said seriously.

Randy's ears perked up a bit, "Did you just say that you were proud of me?"

Amanda nodded, "Yeah…I did. And I am. But don't screw it up because you're stir-crazy."

"Thanks Amanda. I appreciate it."

"Look Randy, I've gotta go. I need to get him fed and in the tub. Not an easy task. But, seriously. Just stay put." Amanda replied.

"Alright. We'll see. But, thanks for letting me hear him. That was the greatest sound ever."

Amanda smiled, "You're welcome. I'll talk to you later." And she hung up. Part of her wished she could go and see him, but she knew her parents would freak out if she did. Especially since they hated Randy.

Randy laid back on his bed. He still wanted to get out for the weekend. Maybe get a start on the tattoo sleeves he wanted. That wouldn't have to be far…just down the block. Was it a good idea? He'd be fine, right?

**Please read and review! Is Randy thinking straight? Do you think it would be wise if he left for a weekend? Or if he cut his treatment short? **


	8. Chapter 8

**THANKS for being patient while I worked on getting the kids healthy again! I appreciate it. Hope you guys have a great weekend! **

**DAY 36**

Nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy…Yup, here I am. Still sitting. Still in rehab. Yup…no weekend pass for me. The doc feels that it wouldn't be a good idea. Even though I'm in a different state, don't know anyone here, there's still the high potential to relapse if I happen to walk by a bar or what the hell ever they were talking about. SO…here I am.

I think I get so antsy because I am clean and sober and I'm wanting to prove to myself that I can stay clean and sober. I have different priorities now. I want to get my life back on track, and I can't do that while being in here. But, I'll follow the doc's advice this time. NO leaving.

I talked to mom and dad, and they're going to come see me tomorrow. They're really happy that I'm doing this and it's working. I know I've really let them down. I can't wait to tell them that I got to hear Brandon's voice. It was pretty amazing. I wish I could go back and change things, but since I can't, I have to make the future right.

Since I don't have a whole lot to do around here, I tend to work out a lot and do a lot of thinking. Which is bad. I am my worst enemy. I do some reading too…I've been reading the AA book. Now I'm not a religious guy, but maybe he hasn't forgotten about me.

I have fucked up a LOT in my life. The Marines…the drugs, the partying, the cheating…and my biggest regret of all…walking away when my family needed me the most. I've always justified what I did in my head, I've denied it was wrong, I told my friends they were assholes for judging me. But they were right. Why should I deserve to get a second chance at these things? Well…most of these things. I learned that the Marines were NOT where I was supposed to be and I respect them thoroughly for doing what I cannot do.

These are the The 12 Steps:

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable

Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God

Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings

Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out

Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Yup, I shook my head, and I got out of the meeting and I walked out. I'm not in this place for a bunch of religious crap. But then my rehab-appointed sponsor pulled me aside and asked if he could talk to me. He sat me down and went through the steps and asked why I was so against God. I said that if he cared I wouldn't have gotten myself into this mess.

Then he came back with a challenge, what if he tried to intervene but I was too drunk or high to pay attention? So I listened, and I came back. It took a few days, but dammit I did it. And I've been working my way through the steps. I have to admit, so far so good.

Alright, enough touchy-feely bullshit for the night. I did NOT plan on writing about all that shit. Good night.

RKO

**Day 37**

Mom and Dad came to visit today. My mom cried. I don't think I realized just how much I've broken her heart until I saw that. My dad was disappointed, but they were both proud of how far I've come. There's no way I can ever do this to them again.

I even let Dad read my journal. I didn't know if Mom could handle it. When I'm having a bad day, or if I'm feeling like I need to get high, I don't know if she could take reading that.

They were pretty shocked when I told them that I heard Brandon's voice. And that I had been communicating with Amanda. Now my mom is wanting to call Amanda , but I told her to wait until I checked it out with her first.

RKO

Amanda had taken Brandon to the park. He was feeling a little better and needed to blow off some steam. So they stopped at the bookstore and she bought a book for Randy to read about Autism. Then she wrote Randy a letter while Brandon played. The letter took awhile for Amanda to write since she had to stop and make sure Brandon was still where he was supposed to be, but it was a letter that needed to be written.

Randy,

Well, since you've showed that you truly want to be a part of Brandon's life, it's time to start preparing you for Brandon's life. So I bought you a book that is very good. I've included it with the letter. "Ten Things Ever Child with Autism Wishes You Knew" by Ellen Notbohm. Don't roll your eyes, trust me. This is very good. I wouldn't take the time to write these little nutshells I'm about to do if I didn't believe in this book.

I kid you not, these fit Brandon to a T. So, read these…CAREFULLY!

_**1. I am first and foremost a child - a child with autism. I am not primarily "autistic."**_

_As an adult, you have some control over how you define yourself. If you want to single out a single characteristic, you can make that known. As a child, I am still unfolding. Neither you nor I yet know what I may be capable of. Defining me by one characteristic runs the danger of setting up an expectation that may be too low. And if I get a sense that you don't think I "can do it," my natural response will be: Why try?_

_Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect of autism to understand, but it is arguably the most critical._

_**2. My sensory perceptions are disordered.**__ This means that the ordinary sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches of everyday that you may not even notice can be downright painful for me. The very environment in which I have to live often seems hostile. I may appear withdrawn or belligerent to you but I am really just trying to defend myself. Hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting, all of that is on hyper-overload._

_Receptive and expressive language and vocabulary can be major challenges:_

_**3. Please remember to distinguish between **__**won't**__** (I choose not to) and **__**can't **__**(I am not able to). **_

_Come and speak directly to me in plain words: "Please put your book in your desk, Brandon. It's time to go to lunch." This tells me what you want me to do and what is going to happen next. Now it is much easier for me to comply.__ Too many words just confuse me. _

_**4. I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language very literally.**__ It's very confusing for me when you say, "Hold your horses, cowboy!" when what you really mean is "Please stop running." Don't tell me something is a "piece of cake" when there is no dessert in sight and what you really mean is "this will be easy for you to do." When you say "It's pouring cats and dogs," I see pets coming out of a pitcher. Please just tell me "It's raining very hard."_

_Idioms, puns, nuances,and sarcasm are lost on me._

_**5. Please be patient with my limited vocabulary.**__ It's hard for me to tell you what I need when I don't know the words to describe my feelings. I may be hungry, frustrated, frightened or confused but right now those words are beyond my ability to express. Be alert for body language, withdrawal, agitation or other signs that something is wrong._

_**6.**__ Because language is so difficult for me, __**I am very visually oriented**__. Please show me how to do something rather than just telling me. And please be prepared to show me many times. Lots of consistent repetition helps me learn._

_Don't let autism cause you to lose sight of the whole child. Self-esteem is crucial._

_**7. Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do**__. Like any other human, I can't learn in an environment where I'm constantly made to feel that I'm not good enough and that I need "fixing." Trying anything new when I am almost sure to be met with criticism, however "constructive," becomes something to be avoided. Look for my strengths and you will find them. There is more than one "right" way to do most things._

_**8. Please help me with social interactions.**__ It may look like I don't want to play with the other kids on the playground, but sometimes it's just that I simply do not know how to start a conversation or enter a play situation. If you can encourage other children to invite me to join them at kickball or shooting baskets, it may be that I'm delighted to be included._

_**9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns.**__ Meltdowns, blow-ups, tantrums or whatever you want to call them are even more horrid for me than they are for you. They occur because one or more of my senses has gone into overload. If you can figure out why my meltdowns occur, they can be prevented. Keep a log noting times, settings, people, activities. A pattern may emerge._

_**10. If you are a family member, please love me unconditionally**__. Banish thoughts like, "If he would just…" and "Why can't he….." You did not fulfill every last expectation your parents had for you and you wouldn't like being constantly reminded of it. I did not choose to have autism. But remember that it is happening to me, not you. Without your support, my chances of a successful, self-reliant adulthood are slim. With your support and guidance, the possibilities are broader than you might think. I promise you – I am worth it._

_And finally, three words: Patience. Patience. Patience. _

Randy, I know it's a lot. But it's Brandon. It's my life. That's what I have to live by. I have visual cards I carry in my purse, I have a visual schedule taped by the door, and I have his own calendar in his room so he can see what the day will hold.

And now that I've sat and handwritten all of these things down from the book, Brandon is done at the park and is trying to pee in the grass. Gotta run.

Amanda

So after a stop at the potty, Amanda loaded Brandon into his bike trailer and she pedaled her way to the post office so she could mail the package and letter to Randy. Then she pedaled them home where they could eat lunch and take a nap.

**DAY 45**

**HALF WAY BABY! **Yup, we are officially half way. I have not written in awhile because Amanda sent me a book to read. "Ten Things Every Kid with Autism Wishes You Knew" by Ellen Notbohm. At first I thought it was going to be stupid, but holy crap. I had no idea. Now I'm really looking forward to meeting him and trying to remember all of these things. Maybe I'll keep her letter in my wallet and if I start to lose my cool, I can reference back to it.

Amanda and I have started to text back and forth a bit more. It's kind of nice. I think she's beginning to trust me and believe in me a little bit again. We're starting to work on a friendship. It's a nice feeling.

Speaking of which, I've gotta run. Time for my nightly call with Amanda.

RKO

**Please read and review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you SO much for enjoying this story! I appreciate your reviews! Have a great night!**

**Day 55**

Well…I know that I haven't written in awhile, but I've been busy. I've been reading the book that Amanda sent me, I've been texting her a bit, I've also been taking advantage of having my iPod and surfing the web a bit…and of course, I've been masterbating… a lot. Yup, I said it. Now that I've been sober and cooped up in here for so long, I'm horny as Hell. Holy shit.

Yes, I'm still an asshole. A sober one, but yes I'm still an asshole. Dave text me. We talked for a bit, and since he's had to get sober also, it was nice to hear someone else's take on it who is somebody I personally know. Then I also talked to Nathan for awhile. It really trips him out that I'm in here. I'm a shitty role model, but hopefully I'm changing that. So when Brandon is a little older, I'll be someone who he'll want look up to.

Amanda has been letting me listen in on the home teacher working with Brandon. He's making such great progress. He's becoming a little chatterbox! She sends me a new picture every couple days.

She's also been in touch with Mom and Dad now. She hasn't introduced Brandon to them yet, but only because they're trying to figure out if they should wait until I meet him first, or if it'll be ok. They're leaning towards ok. Especially since he doesn't get to see her parents very often. Amanda's going to let me know tonight what they decided.

I had another bad episode two nights ago. It was bad, but not as bad as the first. I was pretty angry…erratic…needing a fix…but I'm ok now. I had some really great resources here and I talked to the counselor. I'm actually pretty pissed at myself because of the whole thing. Why does this keep happening? It's been almost two months…so what the hell? I mean, I know that they say that sobriety is something you deal with daily, but DAMN.

Coming up on 60 days in here…what a trip. The last 30 is spent preparing for the outside world. We go on a few outings and on day 90 we get to invite someone to come to our release day. Basically we stand up before everyone and pledge our sobriety. I know this is big, but I really want to ask Amanda if she'd come to it. I know with Brandon it might be hard, but man it would be really great.

I have to admit…I miss Amanda. God I miss her a lot. I really wish I wouldn't have screwed everything up so badly. She deserves the world. And texting with her and talking to her has been great.

Alright, group time.

RKO

Amanda hung up the phone and walked over to Brandon. "Hey buddy. Should we do something fun tomorrow?"

Brandon nodded, "Yeah!"

"We're going to go see Nana Elaine and Papa Bob!" Amanda asked happily.

Brandon didn't respond. He was engrossed in his show. She reached over and turned off the tv.

"HEY! MY SHOW!" He said angrily.

"Then listen to mommy." She said pointing at her nose. Finally, when he brought his eyes up to hers she said, "We're going to go see Nana Elaine and Papa Bob!"

"Who that?" Brandon asked.

Amanda smiled nervously, "Well….that's daddy's parents."

"Daddy's parents? Where's daddy?" Brandon asked sounding confused.

"Well, Daddy's gone right now. But, his parents would really like to see you since it's been a long time. So, we're going to go and see them tomorrow." She said.

"When Daddy be home?" Brandon asked.

Amanda looked shocked…and she wasn't sure how to answer that…"Umm….well…Daddy is kind of…Umm….are you ready for a bath?"

"YEAH! Bath time!" And Brandon took off running to the bathroom.

Amanda sighed with relief, she didn't know to handle questions about Randy. It would be much different if he was around, but since he was in rehab, he wasn't even able to come and visit on his days off.

"MOMMY! I'M NAKED!" Brandon shouted from the bathroom.

"Ok, I'm coming!" She replied. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.

**Please read and review! How will Brandon's reunion with Randy's parents go?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Thanks for your reviews!**

As Amanda drove to Elaine and Bob's house, she was nervous and was playing the day over in her head. She was thankful that they had worked out all of the apologies and everything already. Now all they needed to do was work on the re-introduction of the Orton side of the family into Brandon's world.

Brandon watched out the window. "What's Nana's and Papa's name?"

"Nana Elaine and Papa Bob." Amanda replied.

"And will Daddy be there?"

Amanda shook her head, "No hon, not today. But soon."

"Soon he come home?" He asked.

"We're almost there!" She said trying to change the subject.

"YAY!"

When they pulled into Elaine and Bob's driveway, her stomach began to do flips. It had been such a long time since she had been there. She felt a mix of excitement, nervousness, and happiness.

Elaine and Bob came outside as she was parking the car. Amanda got out and waved. "Hi guys!"

Elaine hugged Amanda close. "Amanda, it is SO good to see you."

"Thanks, you too."

Bob hugged her also, "Thanks for coming out Amanda. It's great to see you. Thank you for letting Randy back into your guys's lives. It's all he talks about."

Amanda nodded, "Yeah, he's definitely trying to turn things around." Then she turned and opened the back door, "C'mon Brandon. Time to introduce yourself."

Brandon slowly climbed out of the backseat and stood up behind Amanda. She gently eased him out and rubbed his shoulder. "Introduce yourself." She reminded him.

He held his hand out to Elaine, "I'm Bwandon." He said looking at the ground.

Elaine smiled with tears in her eyes. She shook his hand, "Nice to see you again Brandon. I'm Grandma Elaine."

Then Amanda turned him to Bob. He held his hand out to him also, "I'm Bwandon."

Bob shook his hand, "Nice handshake buddy. I'm Grandpa Bob."

"Let's go inside and have some cookies." Elaine said holding her hand out to Brandon.

He shyly took her hand and walked behind her. He still had yet to look in anyone's eyes. Once they were inside the house, he began to bounce up and down in place. Amanda took a deep breath, she turned to Elaine. "He's a bit overwhelmed, do you mind if I turn on his calm time movie?"

"Heavens no! Go ahead! Have Bob show you how to put on a dvd." Elaine replied happily.

As Bob turned on Brandon's movie, Amanda gave him a hug. "You're doing great buddy. Papa Bob is putting on 'tubbies for you. Are you doing ok?"

He kicked at the floor, "Umm…"

"It's ok. I know, it's a lot. But you're doing great." Amanda replied nicely.

After an hour, and watching his Teletubby movies, Brandon was starting to relax and answer questions from Elaine and Bob. He really liked Elaine's cookies. Then they all sat down for lunch.

"So Brandon, do you like preschool?" Bob asked him.

Brandon nodded, "Yeah Papa, pweschoo is fun. I ride a bus too."

"A school bus? That's pretty awesome." Elaine replied happily.

"So what have you been up to Amanda?" Bob asked.

"Well, I work full-time…and I live here in St. Louis. My parents try to come out every couple of months. They usually make it for the holidays. It was really hard to travel because the changing of schedules and routines used to trigger horrible meltdowns, so they did most of the travelling. Now that Brandon's a little older and has overcome a lot, I'd like to try some travelling." Amanda replied.

Brandon chimed in a bit about different things. Then after lunch, as Amanda helped Elaine clean everything up, she heard Brandon's voice, "Gama? Is this Daddy?" He said pointing to a picture.

She smiled, "Why, yes it is. I have lots of pictures of your daddy. Would you like to see them?"

Brandon nodded his head. Then he took Elaine's hand and walked off with her.

Amanda smiled. She had to admit, it was great to see Brandon with his other set of grandparents. And they were so wonderful and patient with him.

He bounced back down the stairs with Elaine. "Mommy Mommy Mommy…look at Daddy!" And he held up a few pictures. "This is my dad!"

Amanda nodded, "Yup, that's him."

"Daddy come home soon?" Brandon asked.

Before Elaine could answer, Amanda quickly interjected. "You'll get to see Daddy in awhile. He's finishing up some things."

Bob walked in where everyone was. He took Brandon out back to the playset. Elaine looked at Amanda, "So, what do you tell him?"

Amanda shook her head, "I used to just tell him that he was gone. Then Randy reached out to us and I felt bad. So now that Randy says he really wants to be in his life so I've changed it to that he'll be back soon and he's finishing things."

"So you're working on letting him have a chance?" Elaine asked.

"I told him that if he ever broke his heart again I would never forgive him." Amanda said honestly. "Out of everything that Brandon remembers, he remembers Randy. He has a picture of the two of them that he won't let go of. I don't know what it is, but he has never given up on Randy."

Randy's mom nodded. "What about you?"

Amanda dropped her shoulders in defeat, "My parents have always hated him, and now more than ever. But, I told Randy that we could work towards a friendship. We talk at least once a day. He tells me about his good days, his bad days, he tells me about what they're working on. I would love to be completely positive, but I won't believe it till I see it. Outside of rehab."

"Have you ever thought about going and seeing him?" Elaine asked.

"Yeah, but I can't take Brandon. He doesn't know about Randy being in rehab and I'd prefer for their first visit to not be while he's in there. Too many questions, and if I say his dad is at the doctor's, he'll be scared to go to the doctor because he won't want to be gone as long as daddy."

"What if we watched him?" Elaine offered. "I mean, it's quite a drive but we can help you get a flight if you need. You could surprise him? He plays it off, but his spirit is pretty broken. I mean, he's positive about the outcome, but it's been hard on him realizing just how much he's lost and has screwed up."

Amanda thought about it. And even though her first reaction was hell no, she thought about how nice it would be to see him. She had to finally admit to herself…she was having feelings for him. And she wasn't ready to go down that path. So maybe if she saw him in person, it would help to get rid of those and focus on what was important…preparing him for re-entry into Brandon's life.

"Alright, you've talked me into it." Amanda replied cautiously.

Elaine took over watching Brandon outside and Bob came in and helped Amanda find a flight and they paid for it. By the time her and Brandon left that day, she was set to bring Brandon over as soon as she was off of work next Friday and would be on a plane to Atlanta so she could be there in exactly one week from today. Plus they were going to visit a few more time throughout the week to get Brandon feeling comfortable around them and Amanda was going to write up a crash course in Brandon's routines.

** How will Amanda's surprise visit go? How will Brandon do with staying with Elaine & Bob? What will Randy think? Please read and review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks for being so wonderful! I'm glad you're enjoying this! **

Amanda drove to Elaine and Bob's house nervous as can be. She had written up a journal about the way Brandon liked things done, she brought his blanket and his stuffed Tinky Winky that talked. And she brought the three books they read at bed time. She had written up a meal plan and how he wanted things cut up or left the way they were. It seemed crazy, but that was what life with Brandon was like. He was becoming much more laid back about things then he used to be, but there were some things that she just couldn't get him to budge on. Just like the Teletubby movie was his safety net. If he was overwhelmed, he watched his Teletubbies and life was good.

They talked about how much fun he was going to have and how he'll get special time with Nana and Papa. Amanda made sure she did everything to keep his spirits up and keep him excited.

She pulled into their driveway and turned the car off. She turned around and looked at Brandon, "Are you ready to sleep at Nana and Papa's?"

Brandon smiled, "YEAH!"

"Let's go!"

Amanda got out and helped Brandon out of his car seat and unbuckled it so she could leave it with them. As she was carrying the stuff towards the door, Elaine came out.

"There's Brandon!" Elaine said with a smile.

"HI Nana!" Brandon called. "I'm sleeping at your house."

"Yes you are!" Elaine replied as she helped Amanda.

They walked into the house and Amanda showed Elaine the notebook. They went over a few things and then Elaine smiled at Amanda, "It really means a lot to us that you're doing this. He's going to appreciate it also. Thank you."

Amanda nodded, "I'm nervous. But if it helps to keep him positive and looking forward to a sober lifestyle, then I'm glad to help."

Elaine smiled, "Well, you'd better get going so you don't miss your plane. We have a fun weekend ahead of us."

"If anything happens, please, don't hesitate to call me."

"You worry too much sweetie, things'll be just fine." Elaine said reassuringly.

Amanda hugged and kissed Brandon, "I love you. Be good for Nana and Papa."

"I will. Bye mommy. Wuv you too."

Amanda quickly left. She hoped she was doing the right thing. Not just leaving Brandon with Bob and Elaine, but going to see Randy. Part of her was afraid because they hadn't seen each other since he walked out. And the other part of her was afraid she wouldn't be able to stop herself from falling for him again.

**Saturday Morning**

Randy awoke at the normal time. He went down for breakfast and then headed to group. Saturdays and Sundays were a bit more relaxed then other days now that he was on day 68.

Just as group was letting out, Deidre, one of the weekend staff, approached Randy. "You have a visitor."

Randy looked confused. "No, I don't think so. You must have me confused."

"Nope, you're Randy Orton. There's a guest for you in the lobby."

He wondered if Nathan came out to surprise him again. He shook his head and followed Deidre. God how he hated being the fuck-up older brother that Nathan was looking up to.

Then Deidre opened the door and Randy froze in his tracks.

Amanda stood up and smiled, "Remember me?"

"Oh my God… What are you doing here?" He asked with a smile on his face. Then he went to her and hugged her.

Amanda hugged him back, "Wow, you're even more muscular now."

"Well, I work out a lot in here when I get stir crazy." He replied. "I can't believe you're here. Where's Brandon?"

Amanda smiled, "He's spending the weekend at your parents' house. I thought you might like a visitor."

Randy smile faded, he took her hand and sighed,"I don't deserve you being here. I'm so sorry how I ruined things."

She squeezed his hand, "Don't do this. You've already apologized. We're past all of that. I wouldn't text with you and chat with you and write you letters if I was still that pissed off. We're working on moving past all of that for our sons' sake. Let's look to the brighter side. No more negativity."

He nodded. "Thanks Amanda. So how long are you here?"

"Till tomorrow. I don't know what you're allowed to have or do now, so I left it open so I could stay as much as they'll let me, and then tomorrow I'll come see you before I leave."

"Well, I'm on day 68 now. I'm allowed to go off property with someone sober. Wanna go have lunch somewhere?" Randy asked.

She looked at him, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Yes, we've been on a few day trips, and I've been ok. Plus, you're sober. You don't do drugs, you're not going to take me to a bar. It'll be fine." He replied.

Amanda got up and walked over to talk to Deidre. She signed a form and came back over to Randy. "Alright, consider this your first weekend pass. You're a free man until I bring you back here tonight. But you will be tested upon arrival."

Randy hugged her again, "Wanna see my room? I've gotta grab my stuff."

"Sure." And she walked with him.

Randy walked her inside. It was a small room. But nice. And on his bed was his journal. "Oooh, what's that?" She asked.

"My journal. And no you can't read it. It's not always pretty."

"Recovery isn't always pretty. There'll be good days and bad days as you travel on your journey. What matters is that you know how to handle the bad days." Amanda replied.

"Gee, have you been studying?" Randy asked playfully. He pulled on his shoes and jacket. "Alright, let's go."

"Actually I have. See, if you're going to be in Brandon's life, I need to know how to help out in whatever ways I can." She said cautiously.

He looked over at her, "That's very sweet of you. Thank you."

They got into Amanda's rental car. "Where would you like to go?" She asked Randy. "Within reason."

"First, did you bring more pictures of Brandon?"

"No, I brought a memory card. Let's quick run to the store and you can print off the ones you want. I have pics of your parents with him." Amanda replied.

"Have you heard from them? How's Brandon doing?"

Amanda shook her head, "I got a text from your mom this morning that said last night went fine, today has been great and your siblings are coming over to reconnect with him." Then she looked at him, "He sure does ask about you lately."

"Really? Aww…I really want to see him. I want to be a dad again. I want to do things right this time. I've even contemplated leaving rehab early so I can have some extra time to just be able to hang out with Brandon and start rebuilding our relationship." Randy said as reached over and squeezed Amanda's hand.

She shook her head, "Don't go doing anything drastic. Take care of yourself first. Especially if you're still having intense cravings."

"Amanda, there are so many things in my life that I want to stay sober for. I've seen the light as frickin' cliché as it sounds. Plus, there's so much that I want to accomplish. I just…I want to get things started."

They pulled into the local Wal-Mart parking lot. They went back to the photo lab and she handed him the memory card. As he looked through the pictures, tears filled his eyes. Finally he looked at her with the tears still on his cheeks, "I want to be in the picture again. I want to be the guy who is proud of his family and knows how to be a man and I just want life to be a life again. I want us to be us again."

Amanda froze. Did he just say what she thought he said? "Randy…I don't think you're supposed to even think about getting into a relationship right away. Let alone one with your ex-wife. Maybe for the time-being you should just focus on getting the rest of your life back in order."

"I know, and I will. But you've been there for me…when there was nothing requiring you to be. We've been divorced for a long time now. But yet, there you were. And here you are. Amanda, please. Hear me out. I know that I'm ok. I know that I won't screw up. I could come home with you. Check into a local, outpatient facility in St. Louis and spend the day there and the nights rebuilding with Brandon and you and my family. This isn't a bad idea, this isn't just crazy talk. And as you see that I'm getting my life back in order and my priorities straight, you'll see that we're meant to be together." He turned so he was completely facing her, then he took her hand in his, "I love you Amanda. And I love Brandon. I think that the best thing for him would be for our family to be a complete family. Mom, Dad, kiddo under the same roof. Please….can we work towards that? Will you allow me back in and be your man?"

**Oooh…cliffhanger! What would you do? What would you say? Please read and review! **


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry for the delay, I got caught up in the drama unfolding in another story of mine. Sorry!**

Amanda looked over at Randy, "No."

"No? What? C'mon Amanda. We could have a good thing." Randy objected.

"Without going into uber-bitch mode. Let me remind you what you are conveniently forgetting." Amanda said sternly. "You put me through hell when we were married. Now I'm willing to forgive, but I can't forget. I am here as a friend and as the mother of your child. You want to repair your relationship with him, that's fine. I'll do everything I can to support that. But, no matter what I feel or don't feel, I HAVE to keep a safe distance. This is crucial to your recovery Randy."

He shook his head, "I don't see why we can't just go back to the way things were BEFORE the drugs. It was good then."

Amanda fought the urge to scream, "Because you're forgetting that our relationship has ALWAYS been about you and what you want. Or what you need. The drugs just exacerbated that. Even the cheating was of your own selfishness. We have to work on having a 50/50 friendship and a 50/50 parenting relationship before you can consider having anything more than that with me. And if that means you start dating someone else, so be it."

Randy looked over at her annoyed, "So you're trying to tell me that I need to prove to you that I've changed and matured for us to ever have a chance."

Amanda nodded, "Pretty much. I'm just saying, focus on you and your recover and getting back to a normal, but now sober life. That's a HUGE step. I think you'll find that you're rushing into something with me because sub-consciously you want a fall-back person. You want stability and boundaries to try and keep you in the right because with your career and lifestyle there isn't any stability and there are NO boundaries. You've trying to become dependent on someone instead of drugs and honestly, I just don't have time for that right now. Brandon comes first, and he's definitely dependent on me."

"Whatever shrink." Randy grumbled.

They drove for a little bit, then Amanda reached over and squeezed his hand, "Hey, cheer up. It's your first time being outside of the facility without the staff in two months. Enjoy it!"

"Fine, let's hit up the mall and do a little shopping. There are a few things I want to get you and Brandon so we can have better communication when I'm on the road." Randy replied sounding a little bit happier.

As they walked around and did a little clothes shopping and Randy picked up both Amanda and Brandon an iPad so they could use that to communicate also. Plus, the sales person said that kids with Autism respond really well to the apps that iPads have to offer.

After they got done there, Randy looked over at Amanda, "Let me take you out on a date tonight."

She shook her head, "You just don't give up, do you?"

"I'm serious. Just a friendly date. We'll go out for dinner, then , who knows. But, let's go get something nice to wear. I'll wine you and dine you tonight." Randy replied with a smile.

Amanda sighed, "Alright, fine. But no wine, you're on restrictions, remember?"

"Yeah..yeah..I know." Randy replied as he put his arm around her. "Let's go."

So they went and found nice clothes and then called and made reservation at a local restaurant.

They headed back to Amanda's hotel room so they could get ready. Amanda opened the door and they walked in. Randy smirked and put his arm around her waist, "You know, we could always turn this into a conjugal visit…just for old times' sake…just as friends."

Amanda turned around and socked him in the stomach playfully, "Next time, it'll be lower. Don't take advantage of this."

Randy grabbed his stomach, "Oooh…got it. Scratch that thought."

"I get the bathroom, you get the room. Give me thirty minutes and we'll head out." Amanda said as she walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Once she did, she shook her head, was dinner a good idea? She wasn't leading him on, was she?

**Please read and review! Have a great weekend!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you everyone for being so patient with me. I know that the updates to this story have been slow, but I'm working on it! Please read and review!**

Amanda opened the bathroom door finally. She stood there in the doorway in a beautiful blue dress and silver high heels. Her hair and make-up were nicely done as well.

Randy looked very nice in his black, button-down shirt and black dress pants with a gray tie. He smiled and whistled at her, "Wow Amanda, you look great."

"You're pretty handsome yourself. But don't let it get to your head." She replied.

"Let's go so we're not late." Randy said holding his arm out to her.

She accepted it and they walked to the car.

At the restaurant, they ordered dinner and began to talk about rehab and then about Brandon. Finally Randy looked over at Amanda, "Amanda, I'm serious. I think I'm ready to leave rehab and focus on getting my life back in order."

Amanda shook her head, "I don't know Randy…I just worry that you're going to get hurt or stressed out and wind up falling off the wagon again. You're relationship with Brandon depends on you being one hundred percent. You can't jump in and out of his life."

Randy nodded, "I'm aware of that and I plan on being just that. Trust me." He looked her in the eyes, "Amanda, I swear to you. I'm clean, sober and ready to take control of my life."

"Randy, I'm not your wife anymore. I can't tell you what to do or when to do it. But what I will tell you is that so help me if you EVER come to see Brandon and you are under the influence of anything so help me God, you'll never see your son again. Now if you think that dropping out of rehab right now is going to be a good idea then you make your bed but you'll also lie in it." Amanda replied sternly.

Randy nodded, "I understand that. I'm going to think about it. I'm not going to make the decision on my own. I'm going to talk to Mom and Dad and I have to run it by Vince anyways, I don't know if I'm allowed to. And I'll probably talk to my main counselor and see what she thinks."

"Good, I just don't want you to make the decision on a whim."

After dinner, Amanda drove Randy back to the facility. She brought him in and the staff handed him a cup and sent him to the bathroom to give them a urine sample.

When he returned he gave Amanda a big hug. "Thanks for coming and visiting me. It means a lot to me."

Amanda nodded and hugged him back, "No problem. I'm glad you're doing so well."

"Give Brandon lots of love from me." Randy said as he squeezed her hand.

Amanda nodded, "I will. I'll stop back in the morning before I head back. Good night Randy."

Randy waved, "Good night Amanda."

And the two headed their separate ways.

**The Next Morning…**

Amanda went back and visited Randy one more time as she had promised. Randy came out, "Thanks again Amanda. I'm in the process of figuring everything out and I'll let you know."

She nodded, "Just, take your time. Work on getting yourself better. The rest will come in due time."

He hugged her tightly, "It really means a lot to me that you did this. And I will take everything in consideration.

"Thank you for everything. Brandon is going to love the iPad. And I'm sure your mom and dad will tell you all about how he did this weekend. I'll text you when we get home to let you know we got back safely."

"No problem, I'm glad I could get him something that he'll like." Randy replied.

Amanda walked out to the car and left. Randy headed off for his meeting with his counselor. He had a lot to talk to everyone about. He was on a mission…to get out of rehab and work on getting his life back in order.

**What do you think? Is Vince going to be so willing to let Randy off the hook? Or his counselor? And does Randy really know what he's attempting to jump into? PLEASE read and review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**THANK YOU so much for reading this update! I'm really sorry that it's been so long, but I'm back and the story will be updated on a regular basis. I want to give a shout out to Kinley Orton for helping me figure out this chapter and the direction of this story. Check out her stories!**

It was a horrible Monday morning. Amanda was SO thankful that she had taken today off of work so she could focus on getting Brandon back into his routine. Brandon was running around the house naked, shrieking at the top of his lungs refusing to get dressed for school. He was having a rough time and Amanda was trying to be patient, she knew that he had a very busy and overwhelming weekend with being reacquainted with Becky and Nathan and Randy's parents, but this was more than she prepared for on a Monday.

In the middle of the chaos, she heard her phone ringing. She grabbed it and looked at the caller id, but it was an unfamiliar number.

"Brandon, PLEASE get dressed! You're going to be late!" Amanda answered it, but before she could even speak Brandon ran past her shrieking so all the other person could hear was the craziness.

"Is this Amanda Orton?" the deep voice asked.

"This is Amanda Johnson. I used to be Orton." She replied cautiously. "Please don't let this be another bill collector." She thought to herself.

"I do apologize Ms. Johnson. This is Vince McMahon, we've met a few times awhile ago." Vince replied.

"Oh, yes Mr. McMahon, I remember. What can I do for you?" Amanda stammered.

"Well, I'm calling regarding Randal Orton."

She sat down, "Oh God, is he ok?"

"Yes, yes everything is fine. Actually I wanted to talk to you about something, I hope that's ok." Vince reassured her.

"Ok, please excuse me for a minute." Amanda asked. Then she pulled the phone away from her mouth and called out, "Brandon, if you don't get dressed, Tinky Winky is going on a time out. Final warning. Get dressed NOW." Then she brought the phone back, "Sorry about this Mr. McMahon, you were saying?"

"Please call me Vince." He said with a light chuckle. "You see, I know you and Randy have had your share of troubles, and I'm thinking about releasing him from rehab early on two conditions."

"Let Randy out of rehab early? I don't mean to be rude, and I'm trying to look at it from the business side, but I think taking him out just to turn and put him in the ring right away is playing with fire. What if he gets hurt? Then he'll be pumped full of painkillers and we'll be starting all over. Not to mention that he'll be around the people he used to use with." Amanda spit out.

"Well Amanda, first off, I went to see Randy the day after you left, and I can tell that he has done a complete 180. All he could talk about was you and your son. He showed me pictures and talked about how he wanted to become the father that he could be proud of. Second, he won't be returning to the ring until his suspension is up. I want him completely sober and healthy. Finally, I DID say it would be with a couple conditions. Would you like to know what those conditions are?" Vince replied firmly.

"Oh yeah, sorry Vince, I've had a rough morning. Please continue." Amanda said sheepishly.

Vince cleared his throat, "First, he would have to continue his treatment program as an outpatient in St. Louis. Second, he would have to move back home with you and Brandon so he can get his priorities straight and learn how to become the husband and father that he wants to become, while maintaining his sobriety."

Amanda about choked on her coffee. Brandon walked into the kitchen pouting and mumbling, but he was dressed. "I'm sorry, did you just say move in here?"

"Yes I did. I think that this would really help both of you out. Are you okay with that?" He confirmed.

She took a deep breath, this was something that she would have to think about. It was bad enough she was already trying to not fall for him again, but this would impact Brandon. That was a lot of adjusting to go through. "Um…well, with all due respect sir, I don't know if I'm okay with that. I don't know how much of our history Randy has enlightened you with, but there are a lot of unresolved issues. Not to mention that my parents are already PISSED that I've given him the time of day, I couldn't even tell them that I had gone to visit him. And that's a HUGE change for Brandon to have to adjust to. And God forbid he falls off the wagon, then it's not only me he would hurt, but it would be Brandon as well."

"Brandon, that's right. I couldn't recall his name. Anyways, I completely understand where you're coming from. We were all very upset with him as well. And I can see where you're coming from. Unfortunately this isn't the first time I've been in this position and it won't be the last. But what I can tell you is that I firmly believe that Randy is a changed man. And as an added bonus, I would add you and Brandon to our health plan and it is very good coverage."

Amanda thought about it for a moment. Yes, it would be a very nice benefit to have Brandon's medical expenses covered by insurance…but was it wise to take this gamble with Randy? If Randy ever came home drunk or high, Brandon would never forget it. The kid didn't forget anything. She looked over at Brandon sitting at his little table, he was talking quietly to the picture of Randy. God that kid longed for his daddy. Maybe this would be the incentive Randy needed to stay sober?

Ever since she had left, she couldn't get Randy out of her mind. She thought about him constantly. Was this worth it? Even though she was trying to fight it with every ounce of her being, she still loved him. And even though her head was screaming NO, her heart was what made her say "Ok Vince, we'll try."

"That's the spirit!" Vince roared happily. "I'll be on the phone with the facility. I'll talk to him and let him know the conditions of his release. I have a good feeling about this Amanda, he won't let us down. Randy will call you with his landing time." And Vince hung up.

She hung up her phone and put her head in her hands. Then she prayed she was doing the right thing.

***PLEASE read and review! Thanks again for checking this out!***


	15. Chapter 15

***THANK YOU very much to all of my reviewers! I appreciate the compliments, and the constructive criticism! I love the feedback! Hope you all have a wonderful day, please read and review!***

Amanda rolled her eyes as she drove. Her mom and dad were both lecturing her about how big of a mistake she was making. They told her all about how she was not only ruining her life, but now she was jeopardizing Brandon's well-being by letting Randy stay at her place for the rest of his treatment.

"Yes mom, I know. Dad, I'm being careful." She tried to interject. "Please, hear me out. Randy has made tremendous leaps and bounds and he's been sober for a little over two months now. And, when I spoke to Vince…yes I know Vince is just his boss, but he is a very powerful force to reckon with." She paused as her dad began to argue, finally she interrupted, "DAD, please! Listen, I know Vince had no right getting involved, but I've known Vince personally and he wouldn't have gone out on a limb like this if he didn't believe in Randy's progress. Maybe Vince overstepped the boundaries, but everything happens for a reason."

Finally Amanda was pulling into the facility's driveway, "I've gotta go, I'm here to pick up Randy. Then we have to pick up Brandon from his parents' house. Yes, this might be the biggest mistake I've ever made, but I have to do this…not for me but our son. I'll talk to you later." And she took off her Bluetooth and tossed it aside very frustrated.

She took a deep breath and sat there in the parking lot for a minute, trying to catch up with her thoughts. There were so many thoughts and fears running through her head.

Finally she took the keys out of the ignition and grabbed her purse. She walked into the facility to pick up Randy.

Amanda checked in at the front desk and waited for Randy's main therapist to come out and talk to her about the treatment plan. After Amanda was briefed on everything, she was shown to the waiting room to wait for Randy.

She flipped through a magazine or two, and then finally she heard Randy's voice say quietly, "Amanda?"

Amanda stood up and turned around to face him. "Hi Randy."

He held his arms open and hugged her tightly, "Thank you so much for this Amanda, I swear to you and to our son that I will NOT screw this up. I will make you proud. I will never take this chance for granted. Thank you."

She looked up at him and said sternly, "Don't make me regret this Randal."

He shook his head, "I never will. Let's get out of here."

She helped him with his stuff and walked him out to the car. "Can I drive?" He asked cautiously.

Amanda laughed, "Yeah, go ahead." And she tossed him the keys.

As they pulled out of the parking lot, Randy glanced over at Amanda. "So, I really appreciate this. I know this decision wasn't easy for you, thank you."

She nodded, "You're right, it wasn't. Nor will it be until I know that it was indeed for the best."

"Are your parents pissed?" He asked fearing he knew the answer already.

"I don't think pissed is the right word, if you took pissed and multiplied it one hundred times by furious and in orbit, I still don't think it covers just how upset they are." She said with a chuckle. "But, I didn't expect them to be happy about it. Your parents are ecstatic though."

Randy let out a good, hearty laugh. That was the laugh that Amanda remembered hearing, long before the problems started. It made her relax a bit.

"So, do I dare ask about Brandon?"

Amanda smiled, "He loves the iPad. He's waiting at your mom and dad's for your arrival. I didn't tell him I was picking you up. I just told him that I was bringing back someone who couldn't wait to see him. I don't think he understood, but that's ok. Your Dad is going to record it on his iPad and your mom's going to record it on mine and I'll be able to send it to you. That way we can all have it. Your sister is going to take pictures. Nathan won't be there till dinner. But, you need to remember that he has autism. Expressing himself is something we've been working very hard on. Don't expect him to go too crazy."

Randy nodded, "No worries. This isn't about a huge celebration. This is about me getting to know my son and reconnecting our family."

Amanda had Randy talk to her about his recovery some more. Bring her up to speed on where things were at and what they would be like in the future.

They stopped for lunch and it was a pretty fun time. Then they drove the rest of the way to his parents' house.

Amanda text Elaine that they were pulling in the driveway and she hurried and got everyone in their well-hidden places.

Amanda got out of the car and smiled at Brandon, "Scooter pie!" She called out happily.

"Hi mommy!" He said with a smile. "Who you wiff?" He asked.

"Well, I brought someone with me, and he's going to stay at our house for awhile, is that ok?" She replied.

Brandon shrugged his shoulders, "Ok?"

Randy got out of the car and walked around the back of it so he was in full view of Brandon. "Hey Brandon!" He called out to him.

Brandon looked up, and then did a double take. He turned and ran into the house, then returned with one of his pictures of Randy and him as a baby. He looked at the picture and looked over at Randy a few times. Then a smile slowly spread across his very surprised face, "Daddy?" He practically whispered.

Randy smiled, "Yup, it's me."

Brandon tossed the picture aside and ran to Randy's arms, "DADDY'S HOME!" He screamed and lunged into his arms.

Randy held him close and he had tears streaming down his cheeks as he held Brandon close. "I love you buddy." He said into Brandon's ear.

Brandon held him close, "Wuv you too Daddy."

Everyone around them had tears in their eyes. This was a heartfelt moment and it was a true blessing they were there to witness it.

"Come on buddy, let's go inside." Randy said patting Brandon on the back.

"Ok." He replied simply and he put his hand inside Randy's and walked him into the house.

**PLEASE read and review! Will Randy realize just what he has the chance to be a part of?**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry for the long hiatus, I was having a really hard time focusing on this story. But I think I've got it now. I had some help and then put it back on the back burner, and now that I'm working on 2 new really great stories, I thought I should finish this one off. Thank you for your support!***

Randy and Amanda stayed at the house long enough to have dinner and visit with everyone. Randy received a very stern lecture from his parents and to not take advantage of the opportunity that had been given to him not only by Vince but by Amanda as well.

Randy went over and picked up little sleeping Brandon and his beloved Tinky Winky. "Let's go home son." He whispered as he carried him out to the car.

Amanda smiled. Moments like that made her think that maybe she didn't make a mistake and very possibly could be the right decision.

They drove home and at first it was a bit awkward. Finally Amanda broke the silence. "So Randy, I think today went well…don't you?"

Randy looked over and smiled, "Yeah, I do too. I'm really looking forward to getting to know Brandon again. I'm also looking forward to getting to know you again too."

Amanda smiled slightly but didn't say anything. She was still worried about letting Randy move too quickly.

Randy knew exactly what she was thinking, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to push anything too far.

When they got to Amanda's place Randy got out of the car and picked up sleeping Brandon and he carried him into the house. Amanda grabbed his Tinky Winky and quickly walked ahead so she could unlock the door.

Once they were inside, Amanda showed Randy where Brandon's room was and he laid him into his bed. Randy saw the picture of him holding baby Brandon next to his son's bed and tears quickly filled his eyes. He had missed out on so much due to his stupidity and falling to drugs and alcohol, how could he have ever let his priorities get so out of hand?

He leaned down and kissed Brandon's forehead and started to walk out of the room. Suddenly he heard a little voice say, "Daddy? Will you be here when I wake up?"

Randy turned around and smiled, "I sure will. I'll help you get ready for school."

"Oh-tay. G'night Daddy."

"Good night Brandon. I love you so much." Randy said with tears still in his eyes.

"Wuv you too." And Brandon rolled over and burrowed into the covers.

Randy walked out of the bedroom and found Amanda sitting at the kitchen table with an old laptop and surrounded by papers.

He pulled out a chair and sat down beside her. Amanda looked over at him and smiled a bit, "Were you crying?"

Randy's head dropped, "That kid is so precious. Probably more stubborn than I'm aware of, and I can't wait to get to know everything there is about him. And it kills me that I screwed so much up."

Amanda reached over and rubbed his back a bit. "Now make sure that you don't dwell on the negative too much…use it to keep you clean and sober."

He nodded, "I will. Amanda, tomorrow I want to wake up and learn the routine from start to finish."

"What time do you need to check in at the outpatient facility?" She questioned.

"Nine. So I'll have plenty of time. Don't worry about me. What are you up to?" He asked as he watched her start working on her project.

Amanda shook her head, "Just running the household budget. I do this every Sunday."

"Ok, can I help?"

"No, not really. But you can watch if you'd like." Amanda scooted her chair over.

Randy pulled his chair closer and watched as she balanced out her checkbook and was very surprised.

Amanda calculated out which bills she could pay for now and which ones were going to have to wait until next time. She wrote down on a piece of paper $78.00 and started to put it into her checkbook.

"Wait, what's $78.00?" Randy asked.

"That's our grocery and gas budget for the week." She replied as she tucked her checkbook into her purse.

"$78.00 for groceries and gas? Oh no. Now that I'm back, we're living as a family. I'm paying the bills and you're managing the house." Randy replied.

"No…I didn't do this for you to come along and pay for everything so in a few months when you go back on the road. I did this so you can show me that you truly meant what you said when you told me you wanted to get back to being Brandon's dad." Amanda said sounding almost insulted.

"Calm down Amanda. I'm not trying to take anything away from you. You've done an amazing job as a single mom. I'm just saying that I want us to try and go back to being a family unit. Please Amanda, let me do this. Even if it's just for now. Let me do this…for us." Randy begged.

Amanda took her glasses off and looked over at Randy, "You want us to try and go back to being a family?"

"YES! That's exactly what I want. I want the three of us to be a family again." Randy said as he reached over and took her hand. "So, tomorrow when you get off of work we are going grocery and house shopping. Unless you want to move over to my place and then we'll do it for there."

Amanda instantly started shaking her head, "Whoa, whoa, whoa…slow down Randy. First you have Vince call me and pull his weight for you to get your way. And, you need to remember you've been out for less than 24 hours and you're talking about some major things here. First off, you were sent HERE to live. Not your place. Plus, we are NOT trying to move Brandon when you have no idea if you can even handle living with me and little man yet. SO…if you want to do grocery and house shopping, fine. I'll let you do that. You want to live as a family again…you're going to have to work towards that."

Randy smiled. Without missing a beat, he leaned over and gave her a quick kiss, "You won't regret this, I promise."

She closed the computer and finished putting stamps on the bills she was sending out. Then she looked over at Randy, "let's go out to the living room."

They turned on the tv and chilled out for a bit. Amanda explained what the morning would hold again and she asked Randy about what the entire outpatient program would hold. Then Amanda let out a big yawn. "Alright, I've gotta get to bed."

"Ok, show me to my room." Randy replied as he walked over by the door to grab his stuff.

"Well, here you are." She said pointing to the couch. "Here is your room. I only live in a two-bedroom apartment."

"No problem. I can handle a couch." Randy replied.

Amanda brought him out a sheet to lay on the couch and two blankets to cover up with. She also brought him an extra pillow. "Here you go. I'll see you in the morning."

"Sounds good Amanda, I have my alarm set. Good night." Randy said as he stripped down to his underwear.

"Good night Randy." And Amanda walked into the bedroom.

**PLEASE read and review! Let me know what you think. This story is almost done. Thanks for reading!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the reviews Xandman216, Kinley Orton, xKimberly12x! I appreciate them!**

The Next Morning

Amanda woke up and headed into the shower. She yawned and climbed into the shower. As the water washed away her sleepiness, she began to think about her busy day.

But she was yanked back to reality upon hearing someone peeing. Thinking it was Brandon she pulled the curtain back a bit and poked her head out and let out a bit of a shriek. "Randy!?"

He looked over, "Morning."

Shaking her head she tucked herself back into the shower and began to mumble about privacy. Randy laughed, "I've seen it all already, you don't have to worry." He flushed and walked out.

Amanda finished her shower and quickly got dressed. She poked her head out of the bedroom, "Randy? Do you want to wake up Brandon?"

Randy quickly got up and replied, "I'd love to!" He walked into Brandon's bedroom, "Buddy…wake up. It's time to get ready for school."

Brandon rolled over and looked up at Randy with squinty eyes, "Daddy? You're still here? My dream did come twoo!"

Randy smiled from ear-to-ear. "Yeah buddy, I'm still here. It's time to wake up and get ready for school. Do you want me to pick out your clothes?"

Brandon nodded his head, "Yes pwease." Then he rolled over and burrowed back under the covers.

Randy opened the drawers and found underwear, socks, a t-shirt and sweatpants. "Here you go, I picked out a great outfit."

Brandon rolled over and slowly sat up, "I need hugs." And opened his arms wide.

Randy leaned down and picked him up into a big bear hug. "I love you son."

"Wuv you too. You dress me and I lie down."

Randy laid him back down and helped him get dressed as best as you can with a five year old laying down. Then he got him up and Brandon went running for the potty.

When Randy got back to the kitchen, Amanda had coffee going and breakfast on the table. "Breakfast is served. Is Brandon up?"

He nodded his head, "Yes, he's going potty."

Brandon finished and walked into the kitchen and hugged Amanda's legs, "Mommy! My dweam came two…daddy still here!"

She couldn't help but tear up…that little boy missed having his daddy so much. Amanda just prayed that Randy would stay on the path of sobriety. "Yes honey, Daddy is still here."

Randy lifted Brandon up and sat him on his booster chair. Then pushed it in. Brandon took one bit of cereal and chewed it what seemed like 50 times before he took his second bite. Randy glanced over at Amanda.

Before he could say a word, Amanda held up a hand. "Yes, this is part of why my mornings are the way they are."

"Why don't I take him to school? Nathan will be here with my Hummer anytime now. I'll double check where he's at, but I'll take him to school so you can just head to work without having to worry about running late. Maybe even stop and get a coffee on your way. Then I can head off to the facility a bit early so I can do intake paperwork and stuff." Randy offered.

She thought about it…the offer was nice and having a little extra time in the morning sure would be handy. This would be trusting Randy with some responsibility and that could be helpful. Amanda crouched down by Brandon, "Hey Brandon. Can you look at me for a minute?"

Brandon looked up with a mouthful of cereal and milk dripping down his chin.

"How would you feel if Daddy drove you to school from now on?" She asked happily.

After he finished chewing up his mouthful of cereal he smiled, "Forever and ever?"

Amanda shook her head, "Not forever and ever but for a little while."

Brandon took another bite full of cereal, when he finally finished chewing his mouthful he nodded his head, "Yes Daddy can drive me to school."

Amanda smiled and kissed the top of his head. "Thanks Brandon. Daddy is very excited to drive you to school." Then she grabbed a napkin and wiped his chin.

"Nathan's here in the parking lot, I'll be right back." Randy said getting up and heading for the door.

Amanda finished doing her make-up and when she walked back out Randy was just walking back in. "Ok, here are your apartment keys," She said placing them in his hand. "Now let me show you where we keep his backpack." And she showed him the closet where Brandon's jacket, shoes, and backpack were. "Here's where all of his stuff is. He picked this himself, this is where he wants it and if you tell him to get ready, he'll get his stuff and get ready for you.

Randy nodded his head, "Got it. When you get home from work we'll go shopping like we talked about last night. After I drop him off I'll go buy a carseat on my to the facility so we don't have to keep moving yours."

Amanda grabbed her jacket and her purse. "Ok sounds good. You remember where Highland is, right?"

"Yes dear. Now kiss Brandon and go to work."

She kissed Brandon, "Be good for Daddy. I'll see you after school, ok?"

"O-tay mama."

"Love you lots." Then she kissed Randy on the cheek. "Good luck today. I hope everything goes well and if you need anything call me. I'll keep my phone on my desk."

Randy smiled, "Thanks babe. If outpatient is close to inpatient then everything will be ok. We'll be fine. Have a good day at work."

"I'll leave the carseat on your hood. Bye!" And Amanda headed out the door.

Randy looked over at Brandon, "Well, it's just you and me."

Brandon looked over and gave Randy a thumbs up.

"You finish your cereal, I'm going to hop in the shower, ok?" Randy said to Brandon as he checked the clock on the wall.

All Brandon did was nod his head.

Randy quickly headed off to the shower. He took a quick shower and got ready for his day. When he returned to the kitchen Brandon was still sitting there eating his cereal. It was almost gone, but each spoon-ful of cereal was chewed many, many times.

"Buddy, we need to get going soon so we're not late to school." Randy said, then said again, then said again. He was growing impatient but wasn't sure how to express it so he wouldn't startle Brandon and make him slow down.

Finally Brandon got up, "Done Daddy!"

"Then lets get going to school, we don't want to be late!" Randy replied as he stood up. He went to the closet and grabbed Brandon's stuff.

Suddenly Brandon dropped to the ground screaming hysterically, "NO I BIG BOY I GET MY STUFF!" over and over and over.

Randy's eyes popped out, this was a side he had never seen of Brandon. Not since before the divorce. "Whoa…Whoa…Brandon there's no need to scream like that. It's fine, get ready for school."

But Brandon wasn't listening, he was far too busy screaming and sobbing. And the way it was going it didn't seem like it would be stopping anytime soon.

Randy looked at the clock and saw the minutes ticking by. They needed to get ready and go or they were for sure going to be late.

"BRANDON ENOUGH!" Randy said sternly as he sat down and bear hugged him.

The sound of Randy's deep voice sounding so stern made Brandon's eyes open wide. He stopped screaming and looked at Randy with a look of fear across his face.

"It's time to get ready for school." Randy said trying to sound calm. "Can you do that?"

Brandon sniffled, "No *sniffle*, you *sniffle* got *sniffle* my *sniffle* stuff *sniffle*."

"You're right, I did. Tomorrow, you can get it. Today, I did. We need to go. You can get ready for school or I can get you ready. What's it going to be?" Randy replied firmly.

Brandon wiped his nose on his arm and wriggled free from Randy, "You do it."

So Randy sat and put Brandon's shoes and jacket on him as Brandon was as limp as a spaghetti noodle. He wouldn't carry his backpack so Randy carried Brandon in one arm and held his backpack with the other.

Randy had a slew of emotions running through him. But, he kept his cool for the most part. He locked the door and headed out to the parking lot.

He put Brandon's booster seat in the back seat in the middle and buckled Brandon in. Randy got in and breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you ready to go to school?" He asked his son.

Brandon looked around the vehicle, "Wow…big!"

Randy laughed, "Yeah, this is a lot bigger than Mommy's car, isn't it?"

Brandon nodded.

Randy started it and off they drove to school. Once they got there, Brandon was willing to cooperate and seemed to be back to his usual self. He took Randy's hand and together they walked in the school and Brandon showed him to the classroom.

Randy introduced himself to Brandon's teachers and gave Brandon a big hug and kiss. "I love you. I hope you have a good day at school."

Brandon hugged him back, "You be home when I get home?"

"Yeah, I'll be there buddy."

"O-tay. Bye Daddy." And Brandon quickly went over to the train table.

Randy smiled and walked back out to his Hummer. "What a morning" he mumbled to himself. He then went to the coffee shop to get a large coffee and go the outpatient facility get everything started.

**How do you think Randy handled it? What will the outpatient program be like? What will Amanda think? Please read and review! **


	18. Epilogue

**THANK YOU for being so patient with this! Lots of big time changes have been going on in my life and I apologize for these stories taking longer for updates than I planned on. This is the last chapter in this story! I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have. Thanks! Please read and review!**

**EPILOGUE—Four Months Later**

Randy had successfully completed the outpatient rehab after 60 days. He was still doing very well and maintaining his sobriety while attending weekly NA meetings. Randy had returned to being on the road and was back wrestling his full-time schedule.

Randy had also been completely overcome with his Daddy role. He was great with Brandon and was doing a great job of keeping his temper in check even when Brandon was having a bad day. And on the flip side of that, he was also still living with Amanda and living as a family.

Amanda and Randy were still living in Amanda's apartment, but mainly because her lease wasn't up yet and she was a bit worried about moving Brandon so they were taking baby steps in their relationship. Her parents were still cautious about it, but were happy with the changes in Randy's life.

Randy walked into the apartment with a smile. He had a big surprise for Amanda. And he just had to hope that everything fell into place.

"I'm home!" Randy called. "Amanda? Where are you?"

"I'm doing dishes." She replied.

"DADDY'S HOME!" Brandon called as he ran to Randy and hugged him tight.

Randy scooped up Brandon and walked into the kitchen. And gave Amanda a kiss on the cheek. "How was school today buddy?"

"I was good today. No naughties." Brandon replied.

Amanda smiled, "Yes, he had a good day."

Randy hugged him again and set him down. Brandon quickly ran off to go finish playing on his iPad.

"How was work? Did you give your notice?" Randy asked. He had been trying to convince Amanda to quit her job so she could focus on Brandon and their family.

"Well…I did yesterday. I got really frustrated and my boss wasn't going to let me have the day off for Brandon's re-evaluation so I went back to my desk and typed up my resignation. I turned it in today."

Randy hugged her, "Babe that's great! I'm sorry they weren't going to let you have it off, but I'm glad that you will finally be the stay-at-home mom you've wanted to be."

"It's just weird, and I feel a bit vulnerable." She said sheepishly.

"There's nothing to feel vulnerable about. But, I was thinking maybe we could have mom and dad watch Brandon for a few hours tonight and we could go out to a romantic dinner just the two of us?"

Amanda smiled, "That sounds good to me."

"Good, because I already told them. Mom will be here to pick Brandon up shortly. We have reservations at 6." He said as he kissed her on the nose. "I'll pack Brandon while you get ready."

Amanda hustled off to the bedroom to start getting ready. She felt kind of giddy. This was the Randy that she originally fell in love with. And it was great to have him back.

After a little while, Brandon came running in. "Mommy, mommy! I'm going now."

She smiled and gave him a big hug and kiss. "You be good and we'll see you in a few hours, ok?"

Brandon nodded. "Ok. Bye Mom." And he ran out of the room.

Soon Randy came walking into their bedroom. "Wow, you look beautiful."

Amanda blushed. She was wearing a little, black dress with light make-up and had her hair whipped into a pretty up-do. She was not a diva by any means, but she was still very pretty. "Thanks hon. What are you going to wear?"

Randy pulled out a black pair of jeans and a nice shirt. "How's this?"

"Mmm…you'll look pretty hot in that."

He kissed her sweetly. "Give me 10 minutes and then we'll head out."

"Ok." And she left the bedroom.

When Randy had finished getting ready, he found her finishing up the dishes…in her nice dress. He laughed and knocked on the counter. "Ready?"

"Yup, lets go."

Together they left and headed out to dinner. They went to Amanda's favorite restaurant and were seated. They made their drink order and appetizer order and then Randy decided he couldn't hold back anymore.

"'Manda, I brought you here because I wanted to talk to you. I know that things have been going really great, and I know that I've been earning your trust back and I've definitely been earning the respect and love from Brandon. And the way that we've been living shows me exactly what I've been missing in my life. You and Brandon. I love you and I love Brandon so much. All I need is the two of you. Would you marry me and move back into the house?"

Amanda's eyes filled with tears. She smiled and nodded her head, "Yes, I'd love to marry you and move back to the house."

Randy leaned over the table and kissed her sweetly. "I swear to you on everything Amanda, the past is in our past and we will never be there again." Then he took the ring out and slid it on her finger.

She gasped, the ring was beautiful. "Randy, it's beautiful. I love you so much."

They both sat down and shared a wonderful meal. Then they rushed off to Elaine and Bob's to pick up Brandon and to share their good news.

Finally happiness and love had found their way and now Randy and Amanda would finally be the couple that they had always longed to be.

THE END!

PS: Please read and review!


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